You come first!

Dealing problems can be overwhelming. Suddenly all your time and energy is sucked up by everything happening around you. All the things you haven’t done, that are spiralling out of control, that you’re trying to get a grip on.

And the one thing that’s lost is you.

Putting yourself and your well-being first will pay dividends in dealing with everything else going on.

Which is so much easier said than done! So here are some tips from me on making sure you come first.

1. How well are you sleeping?

Are you waking up in the middle of the night with thoughts running around your head, unable to sleep anymore?

In consistent sleep can leave you feeling drained and exhausted with much less energy to deal with the events of the day. Getting a good nights’ sleep is an important aspect of feeling able to cope with the challenges that work throws at you.

There are many sources of information on how to sleep well, or prepare for sleep. Here I’ll share a few tips that have made a difference for me.

a.    Hide your alarm clock! I found that being able to see the time meant I could countdown the minutes and the hours I was awake. It simply heightened my frustration that I wasn’t asleep, making it even less likely that I would become drowsy. Being unaware of the time means I’m much less likely to get fixated by how long I’ve been awake. It can take a while to get used to though, so be prepared to stop yourself from getting up to look at the time!

b.    Getting up and writing things down so it stops running around your head can be helpful, but it also can be disruptive when it’s the the middle of the night. Instead try taking moments in the evening to think things through. I find when I'm doing some tasks like cleaning the table, putting the dishes away, making tea, I’ll think the back to what's happened over the day and if there's anything that's concerning me, I'll make a note for the morning. This means I have a list of all the things that I'm worried about before I go to bed and I'm less likely to wake up in the middle of the night anxious about my to-do list.

c.    If my mind is racing and I'm unable to stop those thoughts, then sometimes reading or listening to a book helps me focus on something else, reading until I’m so tired I fall asleep. It does mean moving rooms so not to cause disturbance.

2. How confident are you in other people?

When you're not confident in the people around you may feel vulnerable and isolated. Building confidence in other people is can make you to feel more confident about your work as well as the work that other people do.

a.    When you're discussing work, be explicit about what you expect from them and what you will do to contribute. The more precise the expectations are, the clearer and more transparent it will be to all involved what each person will do and by when.

b.    What is it you’re expecting to see? Is it an outcome? Is it the way in which a person goes about completing a piece of work? Be clear in your own mind what you’re looking for, and then convey this. It might be that you expect a particular outcome (e.g. a report completed by a certain date), but in addition to that also demonstrate certain behaviours (e.g. taking a visible lead) in generating the outcome. If this is what you want to see then discuss it with the person so you’re both on the same page.

c.    Praise! Positive feedback is an important part of demonstrating your trust someone and will help you recognise their capability.

d.    Be timely with feedback if someone could be doing something differently. Invite them to reflect on your feedback and talk about it.

e.    Be willing to hear what you could do differently to help them, and decide how to act on it. They may need your support in perhaps unexpected ways.

f.      Openly support the person as you can and give them feedback in private.

3. Do you have the same values?

If someone is distant and discontented in their work, there may be a clash of values. Opening up a discussion on what it is they value in their work will help create understanding of what motivates them and their discontentment arises from. From this, is an opportunity to find out where you have common values and what practical ways you could work together.

4. Making change happen

If you're looking to make changes happen, look after your own well-being.

a.    Find positive ways to keep the momentum going for yourself and the team(s) you’re working in. It could be marking small steps forward, milestones successfully met, particular challenges overcome. A clear focus on the positive progress made.

b.    Resistance and constantly hearing negative thoughts can be wearing, so it is important to keep a positive perspective for yourself so that you can help others. What can you do to keep yourself in a positive frame of mind? Perhaps it’s time out of work and relaxation activities, or exercising to release pent up energy. Whatever it may be, keep that time for yourself.

c.    Keep talking to people. Having a continuous dialogue with others helps change happen. This will help people understand what's going on, or help manage their expectations. Making it a two-way dialogue gives people an opportunity to contribute, feel valued and listened to, and more involved in making the change happen.

5. Don't forget your support network!

I’ve mentioned this before, I know! It’s easy to become isolated and overwhelmed, and people you can speak to will help relieve some of the pressure. So who can you speak to confidentially, whom you trust and will listen?