Saying something stupid

Found yourself inhibited in a meeting to say what you think?

I have.

I have also lived by the adage 'only say something when you have something of value to add'.

But sometimes I wonder if that has stopped me from saying anything at all.

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I'm in a room, we're sitting boardroom style. The space between us feels vast. Formal. Cold.

I’m new to the group. Whilst I have a defined role and I’m clear on what I need to deliver, I’m feeling my way. I listen. I see who's speaking and who's engaged. I feel the tension rise, then subside.

I don't say anything. I've nothing to add.

The meeting ends.

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I feel I should be more active in these meetings. Make a mark, assert my presence and the reason for me being there. But for the moment I have little to say that I believe would add any value.

I've always felt uncomfortable voicing my opinion in meetings, when I feel I have nothing to add. When I first stepped up and was present during strategic discussions I would to have to be prompted or asked a question. My insides would squirm. My face would burn. But I'd get my answer out.

I became better at voluntarily adding in my voice. It came through having responsibility, having to represent and defend others, and sharing my expertise and knowledge. But it was and still is, an effort.

I worry about looking stupid. Even when I'm the 'expert'.

And when I sit around a table and not say anything, I chastise myself for being quiet.

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I'm back at my desk. I'm thinking about the meeting. Did I have anything of value to add?

No. I’m still feeling my way.

Well, then let it go. There will be opportunity next time.

Next time comes and goes. I feel I’ve barely said anything. But I have questions, so I ask these questions privately to specific individuals who I feel have answers.

Could I have asked these questions in the meeting?

Well yes, but it's only after the meeting and thinking about the discussion do I give voice to those questions in my mind.

And of course, I don't want to look stupid, do I? I mean surely, I should know the answers to those questions myself. Shouldn't I?

The next meeting, I have to dare myself to ask a question. My heart is thumping in my chest so loudly I feel everyone can hear it. But I ask my question. I feel stupid. It takes the discussion somewhere else. Afterwards I reflect that perhaps that was a good thing. We touched on something we hadn't done before.

This time I manage to chip in with an opinion. It’s dismissed. So swiftly, that I'm silent not knowing what to say in reply. I chastise myself for not asserting myself more. And whilst I felt so stupid at the time, later it turns out that it wasn’t a stupid thing to say at all.

So I start again…

I ask another question. It prompts discussion.

I ask several questions. I answer several questions.

I give my opinion. It's taken onboard.

I ask questions, answer questions. Give my opinion.

I give my opinion. It's dismissed. I defend my point of view. We discuss further.

I ask questions, answer questions, give my opinion, we discuss further, compromise and agree action.

I challenge someone else's point of view... and we discuss, compromise and agree action

I realise over the months I've become more comfortable in my job. Got to grips with it and now feel able to give my opinion, defend it and challenge (politely) other people's views. I now have the belief that I'm making a real and positive contribution in deciding the way forward. Not just doing, because others have decided.

And it started by saying something stupid.