My way, just got to be done my way!

I’m not using red pen. I’ve gone for pencil instead.

But my scrawl is all over the page.

Halfway through, I figure it’s better to make amendments straight into the Word document.

It’s awash with colour.

I send it back with a note. Part of me wants to apologise for the sheer number of changes I’ve suggested, the other part of me knows that the changes are necessary.

I don’t get much response.

But the changes go in.

------

The next one I read seems like I’m making even more changes.

Exasperation seeps through me.

I’m spending more time on this than they have.

I simply should have done it myself.

About halfway through I stop.

I stare at the screen and realise what’s happening.

I’ve done it myself. Sensing that nothing I write up would be good enough, I put in minimal effort and simply waited for the comments to roll in. At least this way I wasn’t crushed with criticism after putting in hours of work.

Was I being lazy? Perhaps pragmatic?!? Or maybe it just saved me feeling unnecessary pain.

So here I am now on the other side, and I’m not helping either myself or them.

I close down the document. No changes saved.

What will really help them? Rather than my in-depth comments on every single sentence?

I don’t like their style of writing. Does that really matter?

There isn’t enough contextual detail. Straight forward enough to explain why it makes a difference.

I’m unclear where they’ve obtained some figures. Easy to ask where they came from.

I don’t understand the conclusions they’ve drawn. So ask them about it!

------

I print out a copy, scrawl down a few questions and find them.

We sit down.

I’m about to dive straight in, but there is something about the way they are sitting. Tense, clenched. Like they’re waiting for bad news.

I take a deep breath…

And I start with an observation about one of their conclusions and ask if they can expand on it.

The conversation starts to flow.

By the end I’ve asked my questions, and made a few suggestions.

We’ve even talked about how long it’ll take to make the changes and by when they’ll have completed them by.

------

I read the revised version through. It's more clear, contextual detail added, well-defined conclusions. I still don’t like the style.

And that’s what I’m struggling to let go of.

It doesn’t matter. I know this. It’s just it’s not how I would do it. And that grates.

Still, it’s not mine. I have to learn to let it go.

------

But this is a little thing. A small symptom of something much bigger. Things not being done my way.

Because that’s the best and only way…

Right?!????

------

Now when I read a document I’ve been asked to comment on, I pause about hallway through.

Am I being overbearing?

To stop myself, I try to place myself in the other person’s shoes.

I’ve been in the situation enough times to know that being corrected endlessly by someone isn’t pleasant and doesn’t help.

It might make me realise their particular bugbears, but I don’t learn anything other than what pleases them.

So I try not to correct, unless I think it’s absolutely critical. Instead focus on what questions I could ask to prompt thoughts, and provide the opportunity for them to decide on what they’re going to do.

And that’s okay if it’s their work. But when it’s my responsibility and I’ll be getting the flak, that’s a lot harder.

And that's something for next time...