If at first it you don’t think you can do it, try it and then try again

Confidence feels ephemeral - sometimes I have it and sometimes I don’t. And I’m still working on today. I’ve come to realise that there will always be something I’m not confident about, but I can choose to do something about it.

Several years ago I was in a role where I was expected to present mine and my teams work on a regular basis, to a range of audiences. Standing up and presenting to large groups of people frightened me: what I should say | how I should say it | what questions I would be asked | could answer those questions | would I come across weak, foolish or stupid?

I can still feel the tremble of my hands, the leaden weight in my stomach and the clot in my throat as I tried to speak. And everyone’s eyes on me.

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It’s meant I’ve felt that I have some understanding of how someone else might feel when they are also expected to do something that they lack confidence in.

One of my team loathed the idea of presenting to others. Yet it was becoming an expectation of people in their role to do so. To not present would have a negative impact on their pay progression.

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To help me build my confidence in giving talks, I had attended a course on presentation skills and was even videoed. I have still not watched that footage – it’s long been consigned to the waste disposal facilities. However, the course taught me some tactics

-      how to design ‘good’ slides

-      how to stand and act whilst giving the presentation

-      what you might say when asked a question you can’t answer

But it didn’t stop the slow creeping sick-anticipation that built up to each presentation.

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I truly felt for my team member. They simply didn’t want to make presentations and felt trapped. So we came up with a plan, and then worked on that plan. First the visuals, creating a coherent story and message, then the verbal messages. Practised in private, refined and revisited several times. Thinking through the potential questions, working through possible answers. Helping the person realise they knew more about their topic than anyone else. Then the practise in front of a small group, with the request for feedback.

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Suddenly I found myself ‘invited’ to present to my department. I felt unable to say no.

I no longer remember how many sleepless nights I had in the run up to the day, but it was too many. I felt sick. I remember picking the clothes I was going to wear carefully, trying to pretend to myself that this would help me feel more confident.

Sitting in my allotted seat, I remember very little about what happened before I had to stand. As I stood by the lectern I could feel my legs noticeably shaking and hoped that the skirt I had chosen was long and voluminous enough to hide that. Afterwards I sat down, my mind blank – no feeling of exultation, just a numbness because I couldn’t quite comprehend it was over.

People came up to me later and told me I had given a great talk. Privately I asked a couple of friends who had been there how I’d really come across; couldn’t they see my legs shaking? They said they had no idea, that I had come across confidently.

It was several days later when I felt able to accept that I had managed to hide all my nervousness, and that the talk had been well received.

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Finally, the day of the presentation my team member hand been working towards arrived. They seemed nervous and slightly panic-stricken. We went over the talk and the plan if they got stuck during the presentation and/or were asked a question they felt unable to answer.

Time came. After a moment’s hesitation… they started. They executed the plan. It went smoothly.

Later we talked about how it had gone, how they felt about it, what they had learned and what they would do next time.

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Several years later and I’m presenting to a completely different audience, on a topic where I know some bits well and other bits… well not so much. I’m worried about the questions they’re going to ask. I can feel that leaden weight in my stomach again.

I’ve had some sleepless nights but my legs aren’t shaking and I’m focusing on the messages I want to get across, rather than the tremble of my hands.

 

And that’s good, because the plethora of recording devices that arrive with the audience unnerves me, and for a minute or two I’m aghast at the idea of being recorded.

 

But then I have to start.

At the end, with the applause, I get a sense that it was worth it. The audience didn’t know how I felt, but they appreciated the effort I had gone to and that made it worthwhile.

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The person I worked with gave subsequent talks. I became less involved in the planning and they didn’t need as much support, and for me that was a great result. I’m not certain if they will ever feel comfortable giving a presentation, but I know they feel they have the skills to do it when they do.

 

I would love to hear how you’ve built your confidence to do something. How does it feel to do that now?

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