Untying the knot in my stomach

There is a knot in my stomach. A cold sweat is forming on my palms. This is the start…

 

… the idea of writing a blog post fills me with a disorientating nausea, and my mind goes blank. I have been using all sorts of excuses to avoid sitting down to write this. Yet I believe that if I share my experiences with you, I’ll create the possibility that you’ll share your thoughts too and together we might learn something from each other.

 

I am a social media phobe. But I am on a journey to find out more and to explore this fear that I have. The idea that I have something that others might find interesting, makes me laugh sardonically at myself. More than that, the thought that anyone could read this and then make a judgement about me and who I am fills me with horror.

I have always been more comfortable meeting people face-to-face. An introduction, shaking hands, the sense of an immediate personal connection and the chance to find out more about someone, has more warmth and is something more tangible to me. I realise how much I intuitively rely on non-verbal cues from someone, to understand them better and to connect with them. I even find phone calls difficult sometimes, as if a major part of my perception has been cut off.

So writing a piece and putting it out there into the unknown frightens me. What will people think of me as they read this? Will they read this and understand it in the way I would like them to? I have no way of knowing. How will I feel if no-one leaves a comment? What will I do if someone writes something I take as a criticism? I won’t really know until I put something out there.

I have chosen to do this because I believe I can overcome my fear. In taking this first step, I am proving to myself that I can untie the knot in my stomach, that the cold sweat will dissipate, that in starting this journey I will have more positive interactions than negative ones and that will make it worthwhile. It’s taken a while to reach this point.

People have often asked if I’m on Facebook or Twitter. Of course I’ve said “no”.

Then came the suggestion that I should blog. I dismissed it.

But it sat there in my mind.

Then someone offered the opportunity for me to write a guest post for their blog. No timescale, just as and when I was ready.

This time I said “err, okayyy”.

I’m a deadline worker, so I set a date to complete it by. It came and went. No blog post. I busied myself with other ‘more important’ things.

The other ‘more important’ things got done. I started thinking about the missing blog post.

I couldn’t work out what to say. No topics came to mind. That fear of looking foolish was consuming me.

Then I made a commitment to someone who I knew would hold me accountable, that I would write a blog post. I knew she wouldn’t let me off the hook until it was done.

I searched the internet for hints and tips, reading up on how to write a ‘good’ blog. I read other people’s posts, got a sense of how they wrote, what they wrote about and why they wrote.

I came across a number of websites and blogs, and found some interesting tips. One that caught my attention was how to think up a years’ worth of blog topics in an hour - really?!

I tried it, I got myself out of the office and started writing down thoughts, all the things or situations that I had been scared of, frustrated by, enjoyed so much, motivated to do. Suddenly I realised I had some topics…

I went back and thought about that guest blog post. And I wrote it. When it’s published I’ll let you know.

Now I’m writing again, this time to explore how a blog might help me overcome my fear of social media. By breaking it down into small manageable pieces, I’ve slowly reached this point. Perhaps next time I’ll manage to do it just that little bit quicker.

So here it is. With a mixture of anxiety and relief, and a little bit of pride in myself that I’ve finally done something I never thought I would do.

 

I would love to hear how you’ve overcome your fear of doing something you never thought you’d do. How did you do it and how did it feel?

Share your thoughts using Facebook in the comments below or tweet me @siantaylorcoach