Don’t analyse, talk!

Thoughts are swirling around my head.

I can’t stop them.

If only I had done that                                  I should have said something then          Why did you say that?!

               What did they say that for?                               Why did they react that way?

                                                I shouldn’t have done that

 

I count the hours in the darkness. The clock is watching my every movement and I shift about in bed. I’m exhausted but sleep won’t come.

I feel sick and can barely manage to swallow breakfast. I get into work and the adrenaline kicks me into being.

I come home. Shattered.

Thoughts are swirling around my head.

I can’t stop them.

 

And so it continues.

 

It’s not good. I know it’s not good for me, my health, my wellbeing. I’m caught between a lack of confidence and a drive to do better/learn from mistakes/live up to others expectations.

 

A series of events makes me realise that I need to get a handle on just how much I analyse situations/events/what I say and do. I realise that it’s a habit that is almost addictive. I’ve somehow created the belief that I can only improve myself by analysing and criticising myself in each and every situation I am in. And the more critical I am the better I’ll make myself.

 

It has to stop.

 

Things change when my line manager changes. Not something over which I had much say, but it made a difference. I find that my new line manager both challenges and supports me. They show me that they respect my thoughts and opinions. They offer advice. They defend me. They give me honest feedback in private. They help me work out what I’m going to do about it. And my confidence starts to grow.

I become aware of just how isolated I had felt before. How much I felt I had to carry and sort out each and every problem and situation for myself. Sharing and talking through my thoughts and concerns has provided an outlet that I had never experienced before.

I go with something that’s bothering me, related to the project I’m working on. We talk it through, my line manager asks me what I’m going to do. I come up with a plan. I decide what I’m going to do.

And that’s the thing. My line manager isn’t giving me the answers. Isn’t telling me what to do. They are the sounding board that allows me to free my thoughts, to answer all those questions I keep asking myself. I let go, make a decision and move on.

 

I start to sleep again.

 

I’ve found that finding the right person to talk to is not always easy. I was lucky that that person became my line manager at the right moment in time for me.

Since then I’ve worked at establishing relationships with people I feel able to share my thoughts and insecurities and with, and with whom I feel they won’t want to solve the problem for me necessarily, but give me space to work things out for myself. It’s made a real difference for me. I still analyse things/situations/events, but I’m better at letting those thoughts go. When I can’t, then I go and speak with someone.


I would love to hear what you've done to stop your thoughts from becoming all consuming. Are there any suggestions you would be willing to share?

Share your thoughts using your Facebook login in the comments below or tweet me @siantaylorcoach