Blog Post

Where are we and what does it mean?

  • By Sian Taylor
  • 27 Apr, 2020

How are you coping with the current crisis?

It’s been a few weeks since my last blog post.

Bizarrely the time has slipped by.

At first, when the lockdown was announced and came into force, time slowed. Felt stretched out. Adjusting to the practicalities just had to happen, yet some things felt surreal.

No traffic on the streets.

Avoiding people walking down the road.

Not getting together with others.

Suddenly everything was quiet.

Time slumped.

 

(Admittedly I don’t have children, which likely would have changed that)

 

At first it was okay. New routine, boundaries negotiated as we discovered how to work from home together.

Then the sudden quietness started to eat away at me. I didn’t realise it at first. But old habits and instinct kicked in. Things I’ve been working on letting go of.

I like time and my own company to get on with things. But too much and I become engrossed in small inconsequential detail and stop looking at the bigger things that matter. These slip. Suddenly I’m not getting on with things/tasks/activities that matter and will make a difference for me or others.

I stop communicating. I have a strong preference for talking to people, one-to-one. Personal conversations. Work conversations. Coaching conversations. So if it’s not in my calendar, it doesn’t happen.

I ignore how I’m feeling deep down. Focusing on making plans is my default way of feeling in control. Yet with things outside of my control rapidly changing, or just uncertain, plans aren’t fulfilled or come to fruition. Then a whole host of emotion erupts, frustration, agitation, despondency.

 

And it’s been an accumulation of small things that’s made me take a step back and realise it.

It’s incredibly difficult listening to the news, so much so I’ve limited myself to no more than 1 hour each day.

If I’m out walking, I’m tense as people draw near, who’s going to move away to maintain 2 metres? Crossing the road whilst they are still figures in the distance.

Feeling agitated whilst food shopping as we all stop-start down aisles shuffling forward trying to get what we need, when someone bursts down past the rest of us to get through. Then realising I’ve just walked straight past the one item I really needed to get and almost losing it with myself…

Even with paying attention to exercising (more than I have ever managed before!), regulating my caffeine intake, careful about bedtime routine, my sleep pattern is shot to pieces. I’m not a great sleeper, but never quite had a period as restless and difficult as this.

 

Now time has suddenly sped up again.

I don’t quite know when it happened.

Taking a day off for a long weekend, has meant 3 short weeks. About to take some ‘holiday’ and now my work time is compressed and has brought to my mind just how much I want to get done before I take time off.

My deadline work habit has kicked in again. The quietness made time feel luxurious and nebulous – I had so much time to put plans in place, get all the things I’d been putting off done. Yet I haven’t. And the time was an illusion.

 

So what does this all mean?

Paying attention to my habits and instincts, recognising that I need to put in additional effort to do things differently. Because I know when I do, I’m in a better place – forward thinking, positive frame of mind, helping other people, feeling supported by sharing what’s going on and revealing to myself how I’m feeling deep down.

Uncertainty will be with us for a while yet. I don’t know how long, I’m not in a position to guess, though I could pronounce an opinion. I know that plans are useful, but have limits. By focusing on process, I believe can place myself in a better position to respond to uncertainty and have flexibility in any plans I create. So I’ve been asking myself a few questions…

-      What else can I do to look after my wellbeing, in the current situation?

-      Who can and should I be speaking with, whom I haven’t already been in contact with?

-      What are the things I am most scared of right now, and what am I going to do about them?

-      Who’s going to help me with that?

-      How can I create thinking space, space to analyse what’s going on (without guilt)?


I'm concentrating on moving forward, rather than ‘going back to normal’. The phrase ‘going back’ feels like an expectation that we’ll all suddenly snap into a timeframe that continues from when the lockdown was imposed. That life, business and organisations will be running as they were. Yet sadly many lives have been lost and changed profoundly, and a significant amount of time has passed. I believe that rather than thinking about a ‘return to normal’, considering what the future may look like moving forward helps us take into account and acknowledge all that has happened in the intervening time.

So what future possibilities do you see?

And without the possibility of having what was, which of the possibilities are worth concentrating on?


------

 

On a practical level, what can you do right now?

I’ve spoken about my own experiences from a personal perspective, and I realise that these are thoughts on how I’ve been managing. So below, I’ve compiled some tips to help you right now whether or not you lead others.

 

Think about yourself and your wellbeing

If you’re in a positive frame of mind you’ll be in a much better place to help others. Which means it’s good to have ‘me-time’.

So what is restorative for you? Virtual socialising? Or perhaps quiet time alone?

Whatever it is, make it happen. Perhaps it may take more effort to do it, may be overcoming feelings of guilt or selfishness, yet the pay back will make a huge difference for you and for others.

A metaphor I find useful to help illustrate this is the safety briefing at the start of a flight… “Put on your oxygen mask, before helping others”.

 

Check-in with others

Everyone will be taking this in at their own pace, have different concerns. Supporting one another online or over the phone is vital when we can’t meet and sharing thoughts and feelings brings people together.

And I’ve realised that it’s important to have this ethos both in work and in personal life too. We are all experiencing this from different perspectives. Patience and acceptance of how this is affecting each and everyone of us, builds our own support network as well as helping out others.

 

Think about the future possibilities

What if things don’t return to normal? What out of the myriad of possibilities, are worth focusing on and working up into visions and possible plans for the future?

 

It’s okay not to have all the answers, yet offer what reassurance you can

Trust is all important. It will be tested. People do want and will look for clear cut answers, however giving absolute answers can erode trust, if those become failed promises. Description of possible steps forward, an outline of what might happen, can reassure others that you’ve spent time looking ahead. Being open about the uncertainty means you’re being clear with people that things might well change even with the best laid plans.

 

Be people-centric

Whatever happens put people first. In plans for the future, in the possibility of difficult decisions and tough conversations. After all, we are all in this together, and will come out of this together.

 

I’m with you on this journey. By sharing thoughts, experiences and ideas, I believe that together we will find a positive way forward.

Stay safe and keep well.


If these experiences sound familiar and you'd like to talk to me about how I can help you, then get in touch


If these experiences sound familiar and you'd like to talk to me about how we could work together, then get in touch

sian@siantaylorcoaching.co.uk

07598 582787

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