The ties that bind us

The pandemic has affected us all in different ways. And as we shift from the sudden jolt that happened in early lockdown to the easing of restrictions, a question has arisen through discussions I’ve had recently, about how do we work when so many working norms have been stretched, changed altered since this all began?

For established teams and groups, who already know each other, it’s been about adapting and finding different ways of working together.

Yet as time passes, situations change, people move, teams evolve. And those ties, those working relationships previously established, are no longer quite the same and new ones must be built.

So what does that mean for our sense of connection with each other?

How do we maintain or build trust if we aren’t able to meet?

Do we really still feel part of a team? A group? An organisation in the same way?

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Small talk matters.

Yet I’ve felt clumsy with it, not knowing how to start or what to say, trying to remember details that somehow slip easily from my mind.

And when I’m rushed with deadlines spilling all over my calendar, it’s the last thing on my mind.

Yet small talk matters.

Except I’ve always been careful to protect my personal life from my work life. Not wanting them to bleed into each other.

Work is work.

Home is private respite. A place to recuperate.

Somewhere to focus on other things outside of work.

I don’t necessarily want to share that with people I work with.

Except that small talk matters.

It’s not about becoming friends with everyone.

It isn’t about blurring personal and work life if we don’t want to.

It’s about understanding each other.

About building relationships.

Commonality.

Trust.

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As we continue to work together, stretched across the online and physical space we have, some of the ties between us that we have relied on are beginning to stretch.

I’ve noticed that no longer are the coffee breaks, corridor chats, unexpected catch ups on the way to meetings creating space to strengthen those ties. Instead I’ve had to make conscious effort. Almost formalise the small talk. And that feels odd.

But without that, what remains? Interactions that become more and more transactional. A silently growing distance in relationships and loss of connection.

And it’s those connections, the ties that bind us, give us purpose, a sense of belonging and desire to work together that can start to unravel with unintended consequences.

Which has got me thinking.

A positive, collaborative environment. An enthusiastic team spirit. A shared sense of collective responsibility can dissipate if not attended to. And it’s the little things that can make a big difference to that, to setting the tone and the culture of a team, and organisation.

So if your door was always open and you were willing to speak with people when they needed a moment. What’s happening now?

Has remoteness suddenly created a barrier?

Perhaps people knew when a ‘good time’ was to know on your door to talk something through. Is that still there?

Has the connection between you and your team, and your colleagues been pulled thin?

And what does that mean for other connections?

If you’re managing a team, how has your togetherness as a team been affected? The connections between each of your team members?

It can be easy to make assumptions, perhaps live off the good will and strength of relationships previously established. Yet assumptions can lead to miscommunication, misinterpretation, a slow erosion of trust.

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So whether you’re still working remotely from home, back in your place of work, or slowly transitioning into a new way of working, if you’re thinking in these terms how can we maintain and strengthen our culture and sense of shared purpose…

Here are 5 tips on renewing your connections:

1.    Small talk matters, don’t let it disappear

For some a chance one-one conversation with another person at the start or end of a meeting helps build bridges, particularly if we wouldn’t necessarily socialise or work with regularly

For others, group chats with energy and vibrancy build a sense of collegiality within the team

How might you promote these interactions whilst appreciative of what might work for individuals as well as for the group?

Working remotely, in an online world may mean doing things differently. I’ve found that sometimes it helps to do something more formally, even though it feels uncomfortable at first. A simple question such as “what’s on your mind [work or home] right now?” creates space to share some of what we’re experiencing and gaining a better perspective on where other people are at.

2.    Airing issues, seeking solutions

Some things travel through the grapevine. Discontentment, frustrations that haven’t yet bubbled over might rise up through casual conversation.

So when we sit in our own worlds those issues can become boxed, in suppressed, until the pressure explodes.

Getting these out into the open early may feel uncomfortable, particularly if there are no easy answers. Yet sharing frustrations and encouraging collaborative solutions can have benefits both in realising that others may be experiencing similar issues and finding collective ways forward.

3.    Are you walking your talk?

It’s been a challenging time. Putting in place measures to keep people working, adapting quickly to rapidly changing circumstances. Trying to make sense of what that might mean for everyone, to offer direction, guidance and support.

But are you doing what you’ve told others to do?

Perhaps you’ve put everyone else first. That you’re carrying the burden so others don’t have to.

Perhaps focusing on everyone else has been the only way to make sense of what’s been happening.

And in the short term, sometimes it is simply what you have to do.

Yet continuing in this way sets a precedent and without it being noticeable, can change the culture and ethos people once subscribed to.

So how much are you looking after yourself in the same way you’re looking after others?

What are you role modelling to others that you haven’t yet realised?

4.    How much is fear driving you?

In times of uncertainty it’s natural to experience fear. Worries about our job, our organisation, whether decisions about our future which are dealt to us, rather than our choice.

Fear tells us to beware. To stay vigilant. To be prepared to fight, or flee, or freeze.

And that drive can be useful to prepare us for the unexpected.

Yet when it’s constant, never-ending, it becomes ingrained and entrenched in a new sort of normal. And can have long lasting unintended consequences.

It can impact our wellbeing, our capacity to deal with challenges, our decision making. It can impact others, creating an environment of heightened anxiety, where taking risk and fear of failure override good work.

How much fear is showing up for you in your work and interactions with others?

How is it affect you and those around you?

Being able to manage fear, use it productively, and yet take perspective on what it’s driving in ourselves and others, can help deal with some of the most difficult challenges we’re facing. Creating a space where fear can be exposed safely reduces it’s sting, it’s hold over us and helps us see more clearly what we might do with it instead.

5.    Watching for burnout

In times where tension, fear, anxiety are prevalent, we can get so focused on controlling doing everything we can to make things happen, that it takes a deep heavy toll. We might also see this in others too, and yet we still keep going, believing in ability to simply keep going not wanting to let anyone down.

Yet without care we burn out, driven faster and deeper than we ever thought possible.

Watching out for burnout is crucial.

And even more important when we’re no longer present in each other’s company, when we’re no longer able to see some small tell-tale signs that might indicate what’s happening.

While I could write a full post on this topic, if you’re wondering what these signs are, take a look at this article from Forbes which highlights signs to watch for and what you could do if you’re feeling this way.

Taking care of each other, understanding what each of us is going through is harder with distance between us. Yet creating the time, spending the time to truly check-in strengthen existing ties, and builds new bonds as we make our way through an uncertain future.