"Me, optimistic?!?"
- By Sian Taylor
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- 02 Apr, 2019
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Reputation
Things have shifted again.
And just when I thought I had a grip, was just about steadying myself, things have slipped past me. Again.
It feels never ending.
Just as I have a semblance of control, it’s gone.
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The uncertainty is grinding me down.
I’m getting weary.
But I know that if I let it show too much it’ll affect the people around me.
The uncertainty is getting at them too.
To keep them going, I have to be positive.
Yet, how can I?
Right now, succumbing to the sinking feeling is so much easier…
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Forget everyone else!
This isn’t good for me.
So what am I going to do?
Focus on what is really in my control, what I can genuinely do something about.
No more “if only…”
No more “they need to…”
No more “they should…”
From now it’s going to be “I am…”
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I’m listening.
The sentences are starting
“If only…”
“They need to…”
“They should…”
Okay, I get that. I understand.
But what are you going to do?
There’s uncomfortable silence.
Uneasy shifting.
Frustration bursts out once again.
This is going to take time, patience and effort to change.
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The pressure lifts a little.
The uncertainty lessens a little.
My sense of direction increases a little.
It takes a little less concerted effort for me to focus on “I am…” and the “but what are you going to do?”.
Things feel a little more settled.
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A passing comment takes me by surprise.
“You’re always optimistic”
My eyes widen.
I’m about to call out their joke.
Instead I manage to stumble over a question on what made them say that.
“Because you kept us going and focused, when all we wanted to do was moan”
But that’s what I was doing too!
Except perhaps I hid it better. Got myself out of it quicker. Found myself in a better place to help others because of that.
I had to work at it. I had to vent my frustration. And I had to look at myself first before I could help anyone else.
But because of that people see me as optimistic.
And that’s an unexpected insight into how people see me, my reputation.
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