How well do you listen?

I’ve thought of myself as good listener.

I’m happy to let others speak, hear what they have to say.

I don’t feel that I have to say what’s on my mind. Sometimes I might have something to add, but others can drive the conversation.

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But then I’ve found myself getting agitated in work.

I have an idea, I’ve talked it over with someone and then they’ve gone on to tell others and take credit.

That’s stung!

I’ve been in meetings getting apprehensive, internally preparing what I want to say and phasing out of the discussion going on around me, so I’m no longer paying attention to what is being said and by whom.

I’ve just started to add something to the discussion and someone else has jumped in, and talked straight over me with complete disregard.

Hurt, indignation, humiliation.

Listening to a piece of work my team and I have spent days slogging hard on, forensically dissected has made me angry and frustrated and unable to think clearly in that moment.

Being so certain in my own mind on something, that I’m not hearing other people’s opinions. And then getting exasperated that they don’t get my point of view.

And what I come away with is annoyance, irritation, dissatisfaction.

And it’s not how I want to feel.

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Listening, really listening, requires conscious effort.

Curiosity and a desire to understand someone else’s ideas, points of view.

Holding back on that natural instinct to judge.

Some of the most rewarding conversations I’ve had, have been when I’ve listened and felt listened to. And when the other person has got something from our conversation, that they might not have expected, whatever that may be.

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So how well do you listen?

Try this.

After your next meeting, whenever and whomever that might be with

Create four columns (paper, software, whatever you prefer)

1.    List all the attendees at your meeting

2.    Write a short paragraph for each attendee that summarises the points they made in the meeting

3.    Note how you felt about that person at the end of the meeting

4.    Record what you think that person felt at the end of the meeting

How accurately do you feel you’ve captured the meeting that took place?

Are there any blank spaces on your page?

Are you wondering what feelings and emotion have got to do with listening? Perhaps this is best answered by this question - how do you feel when someone has ignored you?

So looking over what you’ve written, if you could begin the meeting again, what would you do differently?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how this exercise worked for you. How did it go? Did you gain any insights?

Please do add your comments below.