How much do you really need to know to deliver?

I’m sitting attentively. Listening carefully to all the words being spoken. I’m aware that, as one of my new responsibilities, understanding what’s going on is important.

Except I don’t.

And it’s too many words, phrases and concepts which I’m not sure about that is making it difficult to piece together. So I begin to ask some questions. I’m honest that I don’t understand, and in return I get a deeper explanation.

I leave the meeting with a better grasp of what’s happening. But I have an itch. It’s at the back of my head. I can’t scratch it, I just know it’s there. It’s somehow telling me that if I don’t fully understand everything, then how will I know what’s true/false, what’s right/wrong and if I’m responsible how do I make sure I’m happy with the result?

We have a couple more meetings and I realise that not understand the language is making the itch more irritable. I speak to one of the people who’s got expertise in this area, and through conversation with them, some of the basics start to click into place. A bit like a jigsaw. Yet the picture doesn’t look whole.

We have a major deadline coming up. I know that this will be the first test of whether I am able to deliver. It’s going to be visible and if I get this wrong, people will see it. The itch has become something more. It’s the point from which anxiety starts to pervade me.

How can I be sure I’m going to get this right?

I find a crash course that helps me with some of the more complex technical terms and concepts. I translate this into the implications I think it has for me.

Feeling more prepared I plunge into the run up to our deadline…

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*Gasp*

It’s as if my head has been underwater for too long | suddenly I can breathe again

I grope for something stable and solid to hold onto for a while….

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The deadline has passed. It was frantic at times. Discussions difficult, communicate with cross-purposes. Talking two different languages. Unclear messages and expectations. Desperate working to get things done right and on time.

That didn’t feel good.

I don’t want to go through that again.

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I take time to look back, to learn from what happened. To decide on what I’m going to do next time around.

I take control.

I plan things out, I put in place new procedures, I have a vision for how it’ll go next time around.

But my zeal is short-lived.

As I work more with the team and stakeholders I become aware that for all the plans I might put in place, it’s not going to work out like that. Control is not going to help. The fluidity of the organisation’s work requires flexibility from me. And if I can’t offer that flexibility then I’ll be inhibiting progress and delivery of critical work programmes.

That itch starts again.

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I talk to the team. I get each individual’s perspective.

-      What is it they need for next time?

-      What helps them do their job?

-      What things make it difficult for them to do their job?

I go back to my plan and processes. I can see that some of the things the team would like are a difficult fit with what the stakeholders are looking for. I check in with each team member that I’ve correctly understood the answers they gave me.

I speak with the stakeholders and raise some of the issues that the team raised with me, and I get their perspective.

I start to uncover the mismatches in communication and expectation.

I slowly realise that part of this new responsibility of mine is to become a translator between team and stakeholder, and a point of reassurance for both sides.

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*Sigh*

Relief | Glad that we made it through

I take a while to pause and recollect myself.

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We’ve just past the next major deadline. More smoothly than before, but still with moments of frenetic activity.

There’s more learning to be had, but that’s okay we made progress from last time around.

Getting to grips with new responsibility has been a challenge. It stretched me more than I had anticipated. I thought I’d done the preparation I needed beforehand, but for me it was living the experience that brought it all home and showed me what was involved. I was grateful for the support of the people around me, it made a real difference when I felt I was floundering.

And it was the people around me that also helped me realise what it was I could really do to make a difference, how to take responsibility, and to ensure delivery and the right outcome for our organisation.