Do you have a belief that's holding you back?

I have a belief.

That if I work hard, I will achieve.

It’s a belief built in childhood that I am still driven by today.

But what is ‘working hard’?

What does it mean?

What does it look like?

And what’s ‘achievement’?

Yet they are words that come to me, that at times, I repeat to myself over and over again.

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I’m overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to get through, exhausted, desperately wanting a break but consumed by the feeling that I can’t simply walk away.

“work hard, and you’ll get there, you’ll get it done, just work hard”

I’m stressed, can’t sleep, can’t relax, too much too think of, fear gripping me tight, of certain things coming up which I’m dreading.

“work hard, get control, get control and you’ll do it, you’ve just got to work hard”

I’m here again, feeling this way. It’s got to change.

“work smart, think about how you can do it differently, how do you avoid getting up feeling this way again… in the meantime keep going, work hard to keep your chin above water until you can work out how to do it differently.”

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In some ways it’s a belief that I feel has served me well. I keep going, motivated to persevere. I have dealt with large workloads and have been recognised for being organised, efficient, capable, dedicated. But at times that’s been at a personal cost.

Yet changing this isn’t easy.

I cling to the benefits that I perceive in my ability to keep working hard. It out-weighs the toll it takes.

And this belief stems from my fear of failure.

I don’t want to fail.

I can’t fail.

It would be traumatic, catastrophic.

And perhaps it wouldn’t.

Perhaps it’ll feel deeply uncomfortable.

Perhaps I’ll be embarrassed, ashamed of myself, feel guilty for letting others down.

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I’m not setting out to change my belief. What I’m going to do is work on refining it. Shaping it in a way that helps me. Perhaps rub away some of the parts of that belief that can have a detrimental impact on me.

So I’m starting with recognising the signs. When those words are going round in my mind.

That’s the time I’ll ask myself…

What am I afraid of?

What does failure really look like?

Those feelings will still be there. I know I’m not simply going to push them away, but asking myself what I’m really fearful of, will help me stop myself getting caught up and lost in the feeling.

And that gives me a starting point to think and do something differently.