Do you believe in the change you're leading?

I don’t like it, but I get it.

I understand the rational argument, but it sits uncomfortably.

So I’m shifting around restless.

Fidgeting.

Wondering how I should break the news to my team.

It’s not going to go down well, yet it’s going to happen anyway.

And I know that I’m expected to get them onboard with it.

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Doubt, disbelief, anger, frustration, cynicism.

I just listened.

Was that the right thing to do?

At first I tried to explain, but that added more fuel to the fire.

So I stopped.

And gave them space.

Next meeting would have to have a different focus.

But this time, I was feeling the same.

I wanted to express my exasperation. But held it back.

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There’s still some anger. I can tell it’s going to take a while for that to dissipate.

Some resignation too.

Part of me is itching to move on and focus on dealing with the implications and the future and part of me still feels resentment that this is happening and I’m having to deal with it.

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Lead and deal

Deal and lead

In trying to do the right thing, I start to recognise that I'm getting caught in a circle. Trying to deal with what’s happening for myself and trying to lead others through the same.

It’s like I’m desperately trying to stay one step ahead and pull them with me.

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Time offers the power of hindsight.

I can see the effects the changes have had. I didn’t agree with them all and struggled to see some of the benefits. But there have been positive changes, along with some unexpected effects.

It took a toll though. On me. I wasn’t ready. Not for dealing with it myself or for leading others.

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The doubt and disbelief have hit me, along with the words.

This time cynicism kicks in quick.

I can’t see how this is going to work and why we’re even bothering.

I bring up all sorts of counter arguments in my mind.

Questions and debate. I want to be clear on this.

Clear on what this is meant to achieve and what this means for people.

It begins to shape up into something I feel able to get my head around.

Now as I communicate what’s going to change, I have more belief in it, I’m more clear about the impact it’ll have on people, I have a better idea on how to help and engage with them through this.

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It didn’t go smoothly. But that was okay. Everyone dealt with the changes differently, needed different support.

We didn’t end up where we first thought we’d be, but we did achieve what we were aiming to do.

But more than anything I realised just how important it was for me to have dealt with and bought into the proposed changes first. It meant I could then focus on leading and supporting other people through, rather than pull them through something I hadn’t even fully bought into myself.