Creating a new horizon

I’m trapped.

In a deep trench in the ground, unable to escape.

I can only go forward or backwards.

If only there was something I could do…

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No

                              No No

              No

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I see a glimmer of light over the embankment ahead.

It draws me.

The wall is steep.

I look on.

But can’t get any closer.

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If only

              But you can’t get out, no matter what you do

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I bow my head, and start to trudge forward again.

Because the one thing I don’t want to do is go back.

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There has to be a way out

                                            As if….

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I look up again and the light is still there, glinting over the top of the trench.

My stomach quivers, but the thought has settled.

I take a deep breath and straighten my back.

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I will find a way out

                                                                          Yeah right, you’ll be lucky!

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I start to stride more purposefully.

But the light doesn’t seem any closer.

I feel a well of despair open up inside me.

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I feel I’m on a road to nowhere, I’ve not yet found a sense of fulfilment from my career choices, and I can’t see what it is I want, or how to get there.

I’m frustrated, unhappy, losing my sense of self

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I stop.

This has to change. I am going to change something.

I decide I will take only 1000 more steps looking for a way to climb out.

And if I don’t see that way out, then I’ll start digging a path instead.

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Oh, okay then…

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I’ve started something new. It’s an opportunity that I wasn’t expecting, but I’ve taken it. I’m really enjoying myself. It’s a challenge. It’s rewarding. I’m learning. I feel I’m making a difference. I’m using my skills which I value, want to be known for.

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Perhaps one day…

                                                                          Not a chance! Do you really think you’re good enough? Course not.

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I’m having a conversation. My face lights up with possibility and excitement.

They tell me “Go for it! You clearly love doing it”.

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I have a job interview. It would be a promotion: higher pay, more responsibility, wider impact, chance to make a greater difference. It’s the logical progression. A great opportunity to secure that position that next on my career ladder.

But it’s not want I want. I want to continue to do what I’ve realised I love doing.

With a mixture of relief and trepidation I turn down the job interview.

I’m going to take a different path.

Right?

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I realise I’ve stopped counting my steps.

I can see a dip in the bank ahead, the sides are more shallow.

Light is flowing over the sides.

I take some tentative steps up towards the light.

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I really want to do this. It’ll be amazing.

                              Hah, just as you reach the top you’ll miss you footing and fall, just you see….

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The bank is wet and slippery underfoot.

For each step, I slide a little.

I’m making progress though.

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You know what, I have a plan. I think I might just able to do this.

                                                                                          Hmmm, think you can make it? It’s not just about getting to the top of the bank you know, you’ll have a whole load of stuff to face once you’re up there and so much can go wrong…

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I’m scramble up the side of the bank now.

I’m getting excited as I can see the light more clearly.

I’ve covered in mud.

But as I reach the top I feel a breeze on my face.

I look out at my new horizon and drink in the scene.

It’s marshy, undulating, with rocky outcrops and scree covered hillsides.

The light is just breaking through the dark heavy rain clouds.

And yet, it’s the most amazing vision I’ve seen in a long time. It’s going to be tricky to find my way. To create my own path through this landscape. But the sense of excitement and adventure gives me hope. And that hope gives me strength. To work through the problems I know I’m going to encounter. But that’s okay because I’m out of the ditch.