Stop! Before you end up ill again...

I can feel my bottom eye-lid involuntarily twitching.

I can’t stop it.

My limbs feel heavy.

My breathing is shallow.

Focusing my attention is an effort.

I’ve used all my usual tricks to keep myself going and get on with the tasks I have on my to do list.

It’s not working.

And this is the start of the week…

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I’d like time to slow down.

Just so I can catch up with myself.

But that might no longer be enough.

Time out, away, just to stop thinking about everything.

Yet the idea of taking time out makes me desperately cling more tightly to wanting more control, not letting people down, fretting about what will fall apart and what people will think of me for letting that happen.

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Sometimes it’s like my body takes control.

Run down.

Exhausted.

Illness takes over and forces the issue.

It might be a migraine, it might be a cold that floors me because I’m more vulnerable than usual.

Bed-ridden, in pain or discomfort.

My mind final let’s go and accepts I can’t do it all.

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The dull ache of my eyes. The involuntary twitching of my eyelid.

It’s time to do something.

It’s time to stop.

I have to ignore the nagging thoughts. Listing all the things I have to get done.

Do I really have to get all those things done?

They won’t happen if I end up bed-ridden again.

And I could do without the pain and discomfort.

I wrangle some time.

It’s a while off.

But it’s there.

Something to aim for.

I think I can keep going until then.

I’ll have to reprioritise.

But there’s a little bit of relief starting to emerge.

And slowly I’m realising that sometimes it’s about putting myself first.