Is my instinct for introspection getting in the way of my influence?

Authenticity

'The quality of being real or true' Cambridge Dictionary online

'True to one's own personality, spirit, or character' Merriam-Webster online Dictionary

We all have our natural tendencies. So can we really just be ourselves and succeed as a leader?

I like to think things through. I only speak when I believe I have something valuable to add to the discussion. It means I’m often quiet in meetings, listening more than I talk.

When there’s a heated exchange or a particularly critical decision to be made, my instinct is to create space, take a step back, take time to think things through before re-entering the debate.

And whilst my introspective nature serves me well, it doesn’t always work. And sometimes at critical moments, my influence is lost.

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I’m listening to a discussion. It’s not one I feel I have much stake in.

The debate keeps going.

And jumping.

Contradicting.

Tangled.

I’m silently trying to follow all the threads, keep all the different facts, figures, discords straight in my mind.

It’s tiring.

Later on, bursts of discussion pop into my mind.

Slowly I start to place them.

Like jigsaw pieces.

I build a picture.

I start to see where the pieces don’t quite fit together.

I begin to understand the points where each piece is being forcibly squeezed to try to make them join seamlessly. But they don’t.

Questions form in my mind.

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I voice those questions. Curious as to answers.

But without consequence. Decision has been made.

A twinge in my stomach.

I realise I’m dissatisfied.

With what?

A hasty decision? Or that my questions haven’t made a difference?

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Slowly I tune into my gut instinct.

I use it to help me ask questions there and then.

I have to master my fear of looking stupid. Or making mistakes.

Then I begin to express my thoughts with less need for introspection.

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I’m not as silent as I once was.

I still have my naturally introspective nature.

But shaped by my awareness that I can do things differently and have greater impact when I choose to do so, if I can see it’s appropriate.

I’ve had to learn that making mistakes isn’t failure, it’s what you do after making a mistake that defines the outcome.

I’m I being authentic? True to one's own personality, spirit, or character?

Well, it’s still me.

Yes, I have changed.

Perhaps not falling back on my natural tendencies, but using them as a foundation to develop new skills and styles.

Perhaps developed rather than changed, would be a better way of putting it.