Stopping and thinking this through I find myself caught
between two contradicting positions.
Self-belief says “of course the majority of time that’s the
case”
Self-critique says “well, that’s not always true and you
know you can do better”
What’s prompted this line of thought?
Well, I’ve been working on some ‘bad-habits’ and ended up
falling straight into one recently without even noticing…
And that’s hard to take. I’m a little disappointed in
myself, but then I don’t believe anyone can simply change their behaviour
having simply decided one day that’s what they want to do.
It takes practice. Constant practice.
So what happened to me?
Most of the time when I have a task-in-hand or a problem to
solve I like to understand context, how it fits with the bigger picture,
understand other people’s perspectives. This takes time. Time to gather
information. Assimilate it. Bounce around ideas. Then reach a conclusion. And
see if that works.
But time pressure and deadlines can short circuit that.
I might not gather as much information and take as much time
to assimilate it.
Bouncing ideas is dropped.
Pressure ramps up.
‘Conclusions’ come first and evidence to back them is all I
seek.
Suddenly it’s GET THE TASK DONE.
I have so many others to deal with.
There’s no time to mess around.
Then I’m no longer listening. I’m not really paying
attention to what someone else is saying. They are trying to help me and it’s
lost. I’m wasting their time.
And mine.
When later down the line I find that their good advice
could/would have saved me time and effort.
And as a habit it’s easily slipped into, unconsciously done.
The regret comes later.
Yet regret doesn’t help, it doesn’t change things, though it
has served as a reminder.
So I’m using this reminder.
My drive to meet deadlines is strong. It’s served me well.
And I don’t want to dampen that.
It’s managing my anxiety and impatience to get things done
and ticked off my list that matters more.
All those things I think of positive things to do, morph
into extra work I can do without right now.
As a reminder to myself, I’m sharing with you small actions
that help me intervene when I find myself slipping into GETTING THE TASK DONE.
They aren’t fool proof, but they do help.
1. Having dates in the diary to catch up with
people
Yes, I’ve said it. I need to
schedule in social time. It’s the way it works best for me. It particularly
means that when I feel under pressure, I’ve still got a commitment to get me
away from work – it has to be particularly bad for me to cancel something I’ve
already arranged. I’m also not good at reaching out when I’m feeling stressed,
so if I have a social commitment pre-planned it means it happens.
2. Change of scene
Sometimes moving rooms for 15
mins gives me enough space to clear my mind.
Sometimes I need to get outside,
though pouring rain can stop me doing that.
Sometimes a day away from my
usual surroundings to really take a step back.
But like socialising I need to
pre-plan it as much as possible. Often scheduling it in my calendar works.
But when the pressure ramps up
then I need someone to make a commitment to, to make it happen. Someone I don’t
want to let down.
So when I notice I’m saying to
myself “I’ve got too much on my plate” this is the point I create some respite
time, like a day trip out somewhere. Even if that’s a few weeks down the line,
once it’s there, it gives me something to aim for.
3. Noticing when it happens
Sometimes I’ve noticed that I’ve
been so focused on completing the task at hand I’ve ignored my better
judgement, I’ve shrugged my shoulders and then regretted at my leisure.
Other times I’ve been so
self-critical I’ve ruminated on it endlessly.
Now I aim to noticing what I’m doing as soon
as I can. Not always easy when it’s an unconscious slip into a particular frame
of mind, but when I do notice what’s going on I have a choice. Sometimes I can
change tack, sometimes it’s too late to make an immediate change but at least I
can do some ‘reparative work’. And sometimes it’s takes everything I have to
own up and say to others what’s been going on for me.
So how about you?
When do you find yourself suddenly recognising you’ve
inadvertently slipped back into a habit?
And if you’re looking to change that what’s going to help
you do that?
