Don't forget the good things!

I stare at the question.

‘Hmmm’

The 1-10 rating doesn’t give any nuance.

Sometimes they do it and sometimes they don’t, but what I don’t know how to put across is that it’s certain situations where it’s more evident.

I plump for a 6.

It feels like I have scored too many answers in the middle rating scores. Is this really right?

It’s anonymous, so does it matter anyway?

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I have a nagging feeling. It’s a little uncomfortable. It’s a little voice in my head that is saying I’ve not really given the feedback I’d like to give.

I don’t like confrontation, it scares me. I avoid it. But something about giving feedback via a questionnaire doesn’t sit quite right with me. And whenever I’ve been asked for written feedback by someone, I sit down face-to-face with them first and talk it through, before sending anything in black and white.

Yet I know that there is merit in questionnaires. They ask questions about someone that the person themselves might not ask. They can be in-depth. And if a number of people answer the same questionnaire, patterns may emerge, consensus showing that several people (not just one) see the same thing.

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I’m examining my 360-feedback chart. I’ve plotted out all the answers. I’m surprised by how much everyone’s ratings align, and how my own self-ratings differ. I focus on the dips, the low scores, pondering on what I can do to change them. Realising that these are the things that unsettle me, I don’t feel comfortable doing and therefore avoid.

I look up slightly startled.

I’ve been asked to highlight something that both I and those giving me feedback have rated highly.

“Um”

I hadn’t really noticed those. I have to look again.

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We’re sitting together in a private room. It’s an appraisal, and I’m giving some feedback. I highlight the things I think they have done well. They focus on the areas I’ve suggested they could develop.

Towards the end I ask them how they feel their year went. I think they’ve done well. They feel like they haven’t done well enough and that they can’t keep improving, it’s too much for them.

I reiterate all the things I believe they have done well. But I’m not sure how much of that has sunk in.

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I thinking back on how I could have given my message differently. It’s like they didn’t believe me when I said that I thought they had done well.

But that’s what I do don’t I?

Dismiss the positive and focus on the negative.

I contemplate how to change this. What would make a difference to me?

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I start to tell people when I think they’ve done something well, as soon as they’ve done it. There’s a bit of surprise at first, but it seems to make a difference.

Then I’m questioned.

“How could that be good? Didn’t feel like it at all”

So this time I’m specific. I explain why I thought it was good in more detail. They look unsure, and go away to think about it.

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Appraisal time. This time we talk about highlights. They start to talk about the things they think have gone well. And those things include the activities on which I gave them positive feedback.

Towards the end I ask them how they feel their year went. I think they’ve done well. So do they. They agree on the areas they can develop, but overall they are happy with how things have been.

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I’ve found it easy to dismiss positive feedback in the past. Somehow not believing it. It’s made a difference for me when I’ve been given positive reinforcement there and then, and the more detailed it is the more believable it becomes. It’s also helped me deal positively with timely constructive feedback. And through this I’ve become more resilient when faced with criticism.