Should I show how I feel?

Be authentic.

That’s the wisdom for leaders.

It’s about building trust.

When you’re authentic, when you’re you, people are more likely to trust you.

So how does that fit when I’m about to erupt with frustration?

Feel like I’m reddening, welling up with the force of someone’s criticism?

About to spit out a remark driven by irritation?

This is how I feel.

This is me.

So surely showing that is me being authentic?

------

“You handled that calmly”

Hah! Didn’t feel calm. Maybe it was just enough to keep the discussion constructive rather than end up in full defensive mode. There was tension though. I could feel it. In my stomach. Running across my shoulders. Up my neck.

It was only at the end, a tentative smile. Somehow it broke the tension. Just enough that I felt my shoulders drop a little. Wasn’t consciously done. Just happened. And then the person opposite lent back a little. Intensity subsiding a touch.

------

But I know that I don’t I want to be known for being ‘emotional’, losing my temper, making the people around me feel on edge.

Yes, I’m feeling this way.

Yes, I want to vent these emotions.

But what’s the consequence?

A step back.

This relationship is important.

Whomever it is I’m with.

I would like their respect.

Supressing how I’m feeling is not good.

But for the moment I take a slow deep breath.

I’ll find another way to express this emotion.

Somewhere, some way, more appropriate.

------

The conclusion was positive enough to feel that something worthwhile had been gained. But at that moment it was still clouded by the heightened emotion of the meeting.

I find a close friend and colleague. A coffee somewhere private where I can release the thoughts and feelings I’ve been keeping in. They burst out and I feel relief.

It’s much weeks later that I realise what the impact had been of keeping visibly calm in the meeting, and that it really had been worthwhile.