A little bit of respite

It seems like such a stupid, inconsequential thing to worry about.

But I am.

It’s going around in my mind and I can’t seem to answer it.

It’s important to me, because however the day/week/month has gone, this is my bit of respite. A chance to stop for a short time and have a different focus.

I know that it’s there and when it’s happening, because it always does.

Social time with friends over lunch can change my day, make me feel more positive and ready for what the afternoon has in store for me.

But now I’ve been marked out, I’m stepping up the rungs of the career ladder.

Things have changed.

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Guess you won’t have time to come to lunch with us anymore…

Lunch is a good time to network, perhaps you should think about who you have lunch with…

Are you still going to come with us…?

An invisible barrier has appeared which I didn’t expect.

And now I keep thinking about what I should do.

As meetings keep getting scheduled over my precious lunch time, my connections to the lunch group start to get thin and stretched.

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My days lengthen.

I’m stumbling from one meeting to the next.

Desperately trying to keep on top of everything.

Talking with colleagues, we’re feeling the same.

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I’ve made it for lunch.

There are gripes.

Some almost apologetic glances my way.

I just listen.

The conversation moves on. Laughter ensues.

And for a while I relax a little.

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And so I keep going, meeting with friends for lunch when I can.

It’s changed. I simply can’t be there every day and I know that for some I am now firmly one foot in the ‘them’ camp. There’s a little bit of wariness I can’t escape.

I don’t promise anything, I can’t solve their gripes or concerns. But when I can, I raise my colleague’s awareness about some of the concerns that come up and discuss what could make a difference.

Perhaps it’s my way of making a little trade off.

And for me, I get that occasional moment of respite. I’m on the edge of the group, but that’s okay I’m still a part of it and welcome.

And I feel that it keeps me grounded. So I’m not always lost in the infinite worries of the day/week/month/year. For a short while I’m in the here and now and that gives me a bit more energy to face all the things ahead.