Defeating dread to make a difference

The dread sitting in me is growing.

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to slow my heart and calm my hands.

I know what I want to say.

I’m just terrified of saying it.

There’s the knock at the door. The person comes in. We sit down together, and I begin.

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This is difficult. A number of people have spoken to me, clearly upset. I’ve not witnessed all of what has been said to me. But I’m going to take action. I’m going to say something to someone about the way they are coming across to others.

I prepare carefully. What I’m going to say, the impact it might have. What I can do to offer support.

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They are visibly upset.

I keep calm, by focusing solely on them not me.

They ask why? How? What? What about me?

We talk it through.

I give them all the time they want.

Still emotional, but calmer they leave to think about all that we’ve discussed.

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We meet regularly. I become much more aware of the person’s interactions with me and others. I give feedback, including positive reinforcement. I explore with them how they feel when interacting with individuals, how they behave, how they react and what they could try to do differently.

It’s clear this is not easy for them. They ask why? How? What? What about me? They understand that could do something differently, it’s whether they want to.

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Anger. Fright.

My dread is back, but I keep it at bay focusing on the message I am giving.

It’s not what either of us want to speak about, and I can understand that this is bringing up a lot of emotional turmoil for them.

We talk it through.

We talk about all the positive steps they have taken already.

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We continue to meet. After the last meeting, it feels raw to talk about things, like I’m deliberately keeping the wound open. We go through what happened and what could have gone differently. We focus on what they could do next time they are faced with a similar situation.

It’s not easy. But we keep going.

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Time, people and places move on.

We meet up again. Chatting about various things triggers a memory “hey, you’ll never guess what…”

I feel a little warm glow, and I smile. A small sense of pride for this person is there, as they recount how they dealt with a situation differently. They said they were thinking of me at the time. And in choosing to handle the situation differently, they felt good and that it had had a better outcome.