8e4efc39

Weaving in Wellbeing

Mon, 17 Jan 2022 11:32:07 GMT

Keeping up self-awareness

I’m exhausted.

My arms and back ache.

My shoulders knotted.

I simply want to close my eyes.

Yet I’ve barely moved all day.

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Focused attention.

Being present in the moment.

Having prepared beforehand to remind myself, draw out of my mind the context, facts, knowledge I may need.

Listening carefully.

Considering what it is I need to get from this.

Noting enough to return to later.

Then

Bam!

The next one.

Completely different.

Taking focused attention.

Being present in the moment.

Having prepared beforehand to remind myself, draw out of my mind the context, facts, knowledge I may need.

Listening carefully.

Considering what it is I need to get from this.

Noting enough to return to later.

And again.

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And it spills out of work…

Into things that I need/should/want to do at home.

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And I know there’s good advice.

Slow things down.

Take time to relax.

Don’t schedule so much in.

Look after yourself.

It’s just never that straight forward or easy.

Sure, if only…

Advice is dismissed with frustration.

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So wellbeing ‘would likes’ are replaced with wellbeing ‘workables’

What’s workable and realistic to fit in today.

And sometimes it’s simply 5 mins savouring a brew taking slow deep breaths…

…before the next deep dive.

Whatever the wellbeing workable is, I’ve found it’s the intention that matters.

Creating that little bit of the space to give attention to whatever moment I can.

It takes time and it takes energy too.

Yet it pays back so much more by the end of the day.

Exhausted, yes. But better able to let go and step back, and recuperate.

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So how about you?

What’s a wellbeing workable that you can fit into your day today?

And how will you make sure you appreciate it?

How does the need for purpose and visible progress drive you?

Fri, 10 Dec 2021 08:17:46 GMT

Keeping up self-awareness

Would you pass the marshmallow test?

If you don’t know the test, then take a look here *

I wouldn’t.

Even though I’m a planner, like to get things in place and prepare for differing scenarios, that’s based on another driver.

Immediate gratification. That’s what I’m looking for.

Just to be clear, there’s debate around the conclusions to drawn from the original research study, but I reference it because it brought into the public consciousness the idea of willpower, self-control and delayed gratification holding the key to better life outcomes and ‘success’.

I’ll give you an example, it’s a bit more personal than work-related, but it’s one on my mind right now for a number of reasons.

Exercise.

I loathe it.

The whole endorphin rush seems to pass me by.

It’s painful. I ache afterwards and if I’m not careful I can trigger a migraine.

But research and medical evidence says that if I want to live a longer, healthier better quality of life, especially in older age, then exercise is vital. Especially with an office-based job.

Well of course that’s what I want.

Without any doubt.

But it’s not enough of a driver in the here and now.

I need something more immediate.

And it’s been difficult to find that sense of ‘gratification’.

I’m still looking…!

And in the mean time I try to keep a track of activity whether that’s exercise or something that’s more active than sitting at my desk. Just something to help me remind myself that I am doing something even if I’m not training to improve my fitness.

So how does this trait of mine play out?

Well, my tendency for immediate gratification comes through in how I approach work.

I’m a deadline worker – deadline and milestones weeks and months ahead are too nebulous for me to feel the urgency or immediacy to get on with my contributions.

I want feedback – simply to understand whether what I’ve done meets expectations or not.

I need a sense of purpose – how does my piece of work fit into the larger picture, simply being told to get on with a task or programme of work is not enough to motivate me or for me to feel I’ve done my best and truly delivered what’s been asked of me.

Whilst what is important for me isn’t necessarily what’s important to others, I try to use these points to help me support and collaborate with the people I work with.

Taking time to talk things through has felt even more vital through the past 18 months with uncertainty and rapid changes bringing questions of “what am I/we doing and why?”

Making time to talk, even in a virtual space has been a vital sense of connection with people and a sense of community. Even in just trying to make sense of events that have felt outside of our control.

It’s made me appreciate that through these times the sense of gratification has been connecting with people individually within the virtual space and that a ‘problem shared is a problem halved’.

So if we stick with the idea, how would you rate yourself on the marshmallow test?

Would the 4 year-old you wait?

Or would you have just gone for the marshmallow sitting there in front of you?

And how does that translate to your work and what you want and expect?

And yet I know this trait is not an absolute. It’s a preference. A strong one, but still a preference. I may find it difficult to exercise even though I know it’s hard to feel that long term benefit right now, but I can also be patient and put off the instant gratification for a bigger prize.

When I want to make a significant purchase, I wait and save. Counting the pennies anticipating when I’ve done enough to get there. And when I make that purchase it feels good. I treasure it.

If only I could feel the same with exercise…

The impossibility of saying ‘no’

Tue, 09 Nov 2021 13:57:21 GMT

Maintaining space for considered decisions

Yes, of course… [how do I get out of this?]

Feel that you just can’t say no?

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Okay, but it’s going to take time, I have a lot on my plate at the moment [so how do I say no?]

Of course, I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.

I’ll see what I can do [because I don’t when I’m going to fit this in].

Great, thanks.

Sure [I guess I’ll work it out somehow].

And with that I’ve just something new to add to my list of things to get done. And it’s not small or something I can get done quickly.

I slump into my chair. My head falls into my hands. I try not to groan too loudly. I take a deep breath. I press my fingers into my forehead, trying to stop any further thoughts. Closing my eyes briefly, I take another breath and plunge back into the never-ending stream of email…

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Some requests are hard to say no to. Even when it's not the way you want to take something forward.

Sometimes it's the person asking. Sometimes it's the pressure brought about because everyone else is agreeing to pitch in.

Wanting to play your part and make a valuable contribution to something vital.

But what gives, when you’re already up to the eyeballs with

work? And nobody is really listening to your concerns?

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It’s late and I haven’t got everything done. My head is about to explode. It’s pounding and I can’t think straight.

I’ve got a deadline tomorrow and I’ll be in meetings all day. I have to get this done.

I’m feeling sick with tiredness. My head hurts. I fudge my way through the meetings and collapse at home. But I’ve met the deadline.

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A few weeks later and I the concerns I had bubbling are now very real.

But I have too much to think about to contemplate how to sort things out.

Frustration and exasperation boils inside me. Surely, it would have been better to say no and been "obstructive"?

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I focus on questions.

I know I'm causing frustration. I know people want solutions not questions.

But I'm asking them anyway.

This isn't about saying yes or no to something, this is about finding out more.

Getting clarity on exactly what it is this is all about.

What it is it we're really looking to achieve.

And what really is my contribution to all this.

It's a difficult at times, to keep asking questions, when others are growing visibly irritated.

But it starts to become clear that we're not all on the same page and we're all making some different assumptions.

So I choose my words and questions with care. Being clear on my intent and purpose.

This isn't about winning or shaming or obstructing. This is about finding common ground, common language, a common way forward.

Then something switches.

Imperceptibly.

I can't be sure what's changed. Perhaps something has started to click into place for some of us that helps build a way forward. Perhaps this time we've taken has helped us understand each other a little bit more. Perhaps the imperative to make progress has shifted us.

Maybe it's all of these things and more.

We start to tackle the bigger unanswered questions, and start to have some clarity.

It's now the I begin to see how we might find a common way forward.

Trapped by uncertainty

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 10:18:48 GMT

Keeping up self-awareness

It’s an invisible trap.

Not immediately obvious.

But it creates a moving cage that constricts. Slowly.

These are the paradoxes we hold within ourselves.

Contradictions creating tensions that attempt to pull us in opposite directions making it almost impossible to move.

We have all dealt with uncertainty over the last 2 years. It’s brought pressure, stress, anxiety. It’s been tough.

So it’s been hard not let that become overwhelming, trying to contain it because it matters that we do. That to offer support, guidance, leadership, we ourselves have to be the person that others need us to be.

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I think about the number of conversations I’ve had with others, checking how they are, offering a moment of calmness.

Asking how they are looking after themselves.

Encouraging them to step away even for a moment.

Exploring how they might make sure they put a little bit of time aside for themselves.

Sometimes helping them to themselves permission to do that.

Yet I notice the contradiction.

How well am I doing this?

My struggles with poor sleep impinging heavily into my working day. Sometimes wiping out my downtime.

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Trying to make sense of what lies ahead.

Trying to put plans in place, when they might change at any moment.

It’s not that I haven’t done this before.

It’s just the constancy of change. Unrelenting.

And as I grapple with that, I’m trying to offer reassurance. Some consistent message.

And I’m lost. I don’t know what to say.

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It’s hard to communicate when so much is unknown.

And it goes against the grain when circumstances impact what I’ve said. When I say something, I mean it. That might be a commitment, an assurance.

I want to be known for keeping me word.

And then that gets trashed by things out of my control.

And I go quiet…

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It’s not a good trait to stop communicating.

Being present matters.

Yet it’s hard to converse when I have so much internal turmoil.

So it’s become vital to find space to unpick the inner contradictions, to try to make some sense of them.

That can be finding solitary moments to take a breath.

That might be finding someone willing to listen whilst I let it all out.

That might be recognising that sometimes my needs come first.

And all the while I remind myself that it’s important to keep connected and reconnect with people.

That I won’t be alone in what I’m feeling and experiencing, and that it’s the help and support we give each other in turn, that makes the difference and keeps us upright perhaps eases some of the tension, so we can all find a way forward.

How well matched are your intentions, your words and your actions?

Wed, 15 Sep 2021 13:45:26 GMT

Keeping up self-awareness

Stopping and thinking this through I find myself caught between two contradicting positions.

Self-belief says “of course the majority of time that’s the case”

Self-critique says “well, that’s not always true and you know you can do better”

What’s prompted this line of thought?

Well, I’ve been working on some ‘bad-habits’ and ended up falling straight into one recently without even noticing…

And that’s hard to take. I’m a little disappointed in myself, but then I don’t believe anyone can simply change their behaviour having simply decided one day that’s what they want to do.

It takes practice. Constant practice.

So what happened to me?

Most of the time when I have a task-in-hand or a problem to solve I like to understand context, how it fits with the bigger picture, understand other people’s perspectives. This takes time. Time to gather information. Assimilate it. Bounce around ideas. Then reach a conclusion. And see if that works.

But time pressure and deadlines can short circuit that.

I might not gather as much information and take as much time to assimilate it.

Bouncing ideas is dropped.

Pressure ramps up.

‘Conclusions’ come first and evidence to back them is all I seek.

Suddenly it’s GET THE TASK DONE.

I have so many others to deal with.

There’s no time to mess around.

Then I’m no longer listening. I’m not really paying attention to what someone else is saying. They are trying to help me and it’s lost. I’m wasting their time.

And mine.

When later down the line I find that their good advice could/would have saved me time and effort.

And as a habit it’s easily slipped into, unconsciously done.

The regret comes later.

Yet regret doesn’t help, it doesn’t change things, though it has served as a reminder.

So I’m using this reminder.

My drive to meet deadlines is strong. It’s served me well. And I don’t want to dampen that.

It’s managing my anxiety and impatience to get things done and ticked off my list that matters more.

All those things I think of positive things to do, morph into extra work I can do without right now.

As a reminder to myself, I’m sharing with you small actions that help me intervene when I find myself slipping into GETTING THE TASK DONE. They aren’t fool proof, but they do help.

1. Having dates in the diary to catch up with people

Yes, I’ve said it. I need to schedule in social time. It’s the way it works best for me. It particularly means that when I feel under pressure, I’ve still got a commitment to get me away from work – it has to be particularly bad for me to cancel something I’ve already arranged. I’m also not good at reaching out when I’m feeling stressed, so if I have a social commitment pre-planned it means it happens.

2. Change of scene

Sometimes moving rooms for 15 mins gives me enough space to clear my mind.

Sometimes I need to get outside, though pouring rain can stop me doing that.

Sometimes a day away from my usual surroundings to really take a step back.

But like socialising I need to pre-plan it as much as possible. Often scheduling it in my calendar works.

But when the pressure ramps up then I need someone to make a commitment to, to make it happen. Someone I don’t want to let down.

So when I notice I’m saying to myself “I’ve got too much on my plate” this is the point I create some respite time, like a day trip out somewhere. Even if that’s a few weeks down the line, once it’s there, it gives me something to aim for.

3. Noticing when it happens

Sometimes I’ve noticed that I’ve been so focused on completing the task at hand I’ve ignored my better judgement, I’ve shrugged my shoulders and then regretted at my leisure.

Other times I’ve been so self-critical I’ve ruminated on it endlessly.

Now I aim to noticing what I’m doing as soon as I can. Not always easy when it’s an unconscious slip into a particular frame of mind, but when I do notice what’s going on I have a choice. Sometimes I can change tack, sometimes it’s too late to make an immediate change but at least I can do some ‘reparative work’. And sometimes it’s takes everything I have to own up and say to others what’s been going on for me.

So how about you?

When do you find yourself suddenly recognising you’ve inadvertently slipped back into a habit?

And if you’re looking to change that what’s going to help you do that?

Terrible Twosome: Procrastination and Fatigue

Wed, 16 Jun 2021 14:07:55 GMT

Dealing with uncertainty

I’m pacing.

Trying not to look at the pile of paperwork.

It’s been neatly sorted.

Categorised.

Ordered in some sort of priority.

But my usual way of clearing my mind and regaining a sense of control over my workload isn’t working.

It’s smoothly morphed into procrastination.

In fact, just looking at the neat order files is increasing my sense of just how much I’ve got to do.

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Noticing this over recent months has brought home two points:

1. Any sort of multi-tasking is out!

My ability and will power to focus on get on and get something done has diminished. Even with deadline pressures.

Very simply the way to keep me going, keep me productive is to focus on one thing at a time.

Of course, each day I skip and flit between multiple different projects and pieces of work, and it takes some effort to switch onto the next task or meeting in the right frame of mind. But I’ve found to reduce the possibility that I’ll get side-tracked, distracted and caught in a loop of procrastination everything, bar the one task/project I’m working on, is put away.

Out of sight.

Hidden.

That includes my email.

Logged off and shut down.

One project, one task, one meeting, and when I get to it… one email at a time.

2. Time to face fatigue

Easily distracted?

Yup.

Feeling weary at the end of each day?

Uh huh.

Everything you haven’t done, still playing on your mind?

Oh yeah.

During the night?

Yes, that too.

Can’t concentrate or focus or zone into something?

Um hmm.

Little irritations just won’t go away?

None of these are unusual. I’ve experienced all of these many times. They are often the signs I try to pay attention to, because they tell me something about where I’m at and that it’s time for me to do something to look after myself.

But that’s felt particularly difficult to do with lockdown restrictions.

Except it’s not just about time out and away from work. Trying to create social space, or restful relaxation to recoup some energy and motivation.

It’s also not just been about managing and dealing with pressured workload that can be overbearing.

There’s something in living with an unknown, unclear, uncertainty of what will be happening days, weeks or months down the line.

It feels draining.

Yet it still feels like we will be facing this for a while yet.

So I’ve tried to take stock

- What’s helped me the last few months?

- What have I learnt or found myself changing, adapting?

- What do I want?

- And is that in my control or influence to do something about?

I know I can’t have everything I want, and by taking stock I’ve helped myself face some choices that would be easier to avoid. If I can’t have it then

- What could I change that’ll make a difference?

- What else might fill that gap?

- What might I let go of?

None of these answers has necessarily directly eased my fatigue, but they’ve made me stop and think. I’m feeling a more grounded, less pushed and pulled about.

I’m clearer on setting some boundaries more on my terms.

I’m creating a little more headspace so I’m more able to deal with the unexpected.

The fatigue is still there, it’ll take some time to rebuild my energy reserves, but now I feel I’m in a place I can do that.

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How about for you?

Procrastination, distraction, tiredness getting the better of you?

What have you tried and what’s worked to help you get through the last few months?

Getting ready for the journey ahead...

Fri, 04 Jun 2021 10:23:37 GMT

Recognising our resilience

I’m staring at it.

My never ending to do list.

And write at this moment I’m forcing myself to do number 10 on that list.

And that’s to write this blog post.

Yes, it’s been a while.

Well actually it’s been months.

And that means it’s been months where that little voice inside has been telling me “you’ve not done your blog post yet”

And that nagging gnawing feeling has grown.

Finally I’ve had some headspace and so here it is. My (what feels like) long over-due blog post, the first for this year.

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Why did I stop blogging?

Very simply, I finally followed what I’d been sharing with you…

Towards the end of last year I was talking about kindness, what that means and the importance of being kind to ourselves as well as others.

It wasn’t easy though.

Truly grateful to have work, I just kept going until a combination of things made me realise that I was running on empty.

I couldn’t keep all the plates spinning, I had to let some go.

And that was hard.

Prioritising could no longer just about pieces of work to complete, it was about prioritising all that I was anxiously trying to squeeze into my waking hours and was spilling over into what should have been my sleeping hours too.

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Eventually I let some things go.

I gave myself a bit of space.

I focused on what I saw as the most vital and critical things, including making some ‘protected’ down time for myself.

I had to re-learn how to relax, to find pleasure in small or unexpected things. To get away from telling myself “this is good for you and your wellbeing” to genuinely enjoying something.

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I’m sharing these thoughts and they’ve prompted me to think about what I’m taking with me from the last few months. And I hope there’s something here that might also help you too.

1. Being grateful, generous and not holding guilt

Gratitude for good fortune (whether by luck, self-made or both) is important. It’s also not a stick to beat ourselves with, but is something hold and acknowledge that others may not be so fortunate. When we’re in a good place, then we’re in a place where we can help others and share some of our good fortune.

2. Looking after the whole of ourselves

If overwhelming circumstances lead to trying to control and maintain every little thing, to the point that even relaxation time becomes something-to-do on your task list, take a deep breath and pause. How can you change from “I need to…” to “I want to…”?

3. Relaxation can take work

It’s not that relaxation should be work, it’s more that what feels relaxing might take some conscious energy and thought “is this really helping me unwind, or am I getting stressed about trying to fit it in?”

Awareness of when things have stopped being relaxing and have slipped into becoming a task to complete. Lockdown has made me reassess and adjust what I think of as ‘down-time’ or relaxation. And that’s not been a bad thing, it just took a while to realise some things I once enjoyed and helped me unwind we no longer do that and it was time to find something that did.

So how about you? What have you discovered over the last few months that you’ll keep doing? What changes have you made recently that will remain with you?

The last year has been an almost unimaginable test of our resilience through incredibly difficult and emotional times. And we’ve been forced to adapt. Quickly.

Looking ahead, whilst there is a road that’s visible, it’s hard to see the direction it’s taking us and unexpected twists and turns feel almost inevitable. So I’m gathering what I’ve learnt to help me on the journey.

What will you be taking to help you?

Selfish Kindness?

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 09:57:01 GMT

Dealing with change

Have you been caught by a tug of guilt that stops you taking time to focus on yourself?

The thought flickering in your mind 'don't be so selfish'

It's a trip wire that's hidden and can catch us at unexpected moments.

Here I share a few thoughts on that and what selfish kindness means for me.

Diving into discomfort, and how it can help

Tue, 17 Nov 2020 10:06:49 GMT

Dealing with change

Here's my first video blog (or vlog)...

And aptly as you'll see, I'm talking about how pushing boundaries, finding moments of discomfort can make a difference in time of change, when more than anything we're drawn to places and situations of safety and comfort.

What's your moment or situation of discomfort that you're going to dive into?

What will you do to help you through it?

Would love to hear how you get on!

Have you lost your senses?

Tue, 20 Oct 2020 08:46:46 GMT

Building trust in a remote world

How many times have you met someone believed you you’ve worked them out, and then found your first impressions were wrong on getting to know that person better?

How many times have you interviewed and recruited someone to find they don’t quite match to the person you thought they were?

How many times have you found yourself in a new role, new group or organisation and thought, this isn’t quite what I expected?

When expectations and reality don’t match, it erodes our sense that things are ‘right’, our positive belief, our trust.

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In new situations, whether it’s us joining somewhere, or someone joining us, we are more alert to the newness.

We pick up on and tune into what people say, what they do, how they deal with a whole manner of situations.

We’re looking for how they really are and are we collectively a good fit.

Confirmation that we’ve made the right decision.

Assurance that we can trust each other.

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Why talk about this?

Many of us are used to doing this intuitively through being in each other’s presence. The formal and informal interactions we would have.

But as we find ourselves continuing to work in a remote world, it’s almost as if one of our senses has been taken away. A loss of interaction that’s hard to replicate.

And so it’s brought questions like how do we build trust? How do we strengthen relationships?

And for those relationships that were edged with tension, what’s going to happen?

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So how might we build trust in a remote world?

I’ll start with a question.

And the reason I’m asking, is because trust is about belief.

I can’t tell you to believe in something and simply expect you to do so.

Belief comes from something much deeper. We feel it.

So here’s my question for you: What is it about someone that means you trust them?

Perhaps

It’s that they do what they say

Their actions match their words

They inspire you

They value your thoughts, opinions, knowledge, experience

They value your wellbeing

You have shared experiences

You can identify with them

You have common values

You see things from similar perspectives

You really get each other, laugh at similar things. Feel a real bond with them.

What is it that matters to you?

And what is it that maintains that trust?

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Believing and trusting in someone takes time.

Time to get to know someone.

Time to understand them.

It might be your direct responsibility to get to know someone. To bring them into the organisation, help them settle, support them and ensure they are able to fulfil their duties and become part of the whole.

But what about those who are not directly connected to you?

Those people who you may have, before lockdown, bumped into in the corridor.

Got to know more slowly, perhaps whilst grabbing a coffee. Or through an occasional meeting.

Suddenly these opportunities are no longer here.

Does it matter?

Perhaps it’s not something you’ve noticed or felt the impact of.

But how invisible have you become without realising it?

Presentism is not effective or efficient. Yet our visibility can impact on how others feel about their sense of belonging to something greater. When we are present, visible, accessible, it can help people feel connected to what’s happening around them and understand the wider picture of what is going on.

Our sense of belonging, common purpose, shared perspective are powerful parts of building trust.

In a remote world, where we’re geographically separated, unable to see and interact with each other, our sense of belonging, being a part of a bigger whole and our shared common purpose can feel distant. We feel the remoteness.

Reaching out and connecting to those we are more remote from can enhance those connections, increase our visibility and build trust.

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Here are my thoughts on building and maintain trust in a remote world:

1. Relying on actions matching words

If you look for something tangible, actions matching words for instance, are these signs still practical and/or relevant?

How much has your trust been eroded because you can no longer ‘see’ what the other person is doing?

Perhaps now is an opportunity to reassess what it is you’re looking for that helps you build your belief in someone?

Perhaps it’s time for a conversation about expectations. On both sides. Your expectations. Their expectations. Finding the commonalities. Talking about the differences.

2. What about those difficult relationships?

The colleagues with whom it’s been hard to build a bond. Where common purpose brings you together but other differences get in the way.

In a remote world is can be easier to step back, perhaps build a protective barrier. Avoiding contact because the difficulties have become even more pronounced.

There are no easy answers to this situation.

A first step is to notice and acknowledge this could be happening.

Then try to make an honest assessment of the impact of not engaging with this person.

What will happen if you keep avoiding contact with this person?

Perhaps there’s the hidden relief of not having to deal with them as often. But what about the longer term?

And what’s happening when you do have contact with them now?

What might happen if you are able to use these circumstances to try a different approach to working with this person?

Does the remote world offer an opportunity you've not had before?

3. New people, new places

When we deal with change, we often look to the familiar to help us through it.

The people we know, the familiar processes and procedures, relying on our knowledge and experience to get us through.

Yet a new job, a new place, or someone new joining brings more unfamiliarity.

Being present together allows us the chance to immerse ourselves in a new place, formally and informally meet and get to know each other.

In a remote world these opportunities need more thought and attention. Perhaps specific effort to create them.

So who's going to do that?

How will you build a space for connection and a sense of belonging?

Virtual spaces may feel different to being with people in the same room, yet they can still offer opportunities to get to know each other. It’s felt a little contrived at times, but I’ve often found that guiding introductions, creating small groups for informal chats, bringing in a little formality helps to facilitate the informal connections and lay foundations for a greater sense of connection.

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Our trust and belief in others, our shared purpose and sense of belonging is as needed as it always has.

How will you continue to build and develop that, now and in the coming months?

Look back, to move forward?

Tue, 22 Sep 2020 08:06:19 GMT

Noticing what you said you’ve learnt and really putting it in practice

Ruminating on the past is something I’ve done many times.

And it’s not particularly productive.

I’ve gotten stuck on all the things I could have should have done differently. Better .

And that’s kept me circling. Anchored. Tethered to something I can’t move on from.

However, there have been numerous times when reflection has helped me unpick challenging moments and learn from them. Seeing how I could have done or shaped things differently for a different outcome and it’s been a powerful way for me to move forward.

So at this moment when so much keeps shifting, sometimes quickly, sometimes imperceptibly, I’ve found that looking back as given me insight to move forward positively.

So what’s the difference between rumination and reflection?

If you’re acquainted with any type of project management process then the term ‘lessons learnt’ will familiar.

It’s the part where reflection and exploration of issues and challenges are unpicked, and recommendations on facing similar situations are brought together.

And after a conversation with someone I work with, it got me thinking about this concept again.

Be warned though, as I have seen happen, lessons learnt should be honest reflections of what happened and not a revisionist view of history where the blame game gets played out!

‘Lessons learnt’ is a time when difficult conversations happen and require a safe space so that people genuinely feel able to say “I could have done that differently” and not hold back for fear of shame or punishment for doing so.

So whether reflecting on the past is just for you, or whether it’s with a team, it’s essential to find the right time, place and frame of mind to make it both positive and productive.

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So what does reflecting really mean in practical terms?

And how do you make the most out of it?

Because unlike rumination, it takes conscious effort and precious time to truly think things through.

Here are my three top tips on how to create value from reflecting:

1. Turn from rumination to reflection

If you find yourself ruminating about current events – thoughts of what you should have done, try looking back to another time and a difficult challenge you overcame.

What did you do to help you get through it?

Who helped you along the way?

What did you take from that experience?

And as you think about the here and now...

What can you apply that you've learnt from your past experiences?

And are your current thoughts helping or hindering you?

2. Apply what you’ve learnt

Well of course – surely that’s obvious?!

Yet I’ve had to pull myself up on more occasions than I’d like to admit. I thought I learnt to do something differently, only to find out later with hindsight that I’d pretty much dealt with it in the same way as I had done before.

The way we deal with situations is likely to be a natural reaction, something unconscious, so it takes thought and effort to apply learning.

When have you said to yourself ‘that’s useful learning, I must remember that’?

How truthfully do you remember and apply what you’ve learnt? Or has what you’ve learnt become a story you tell yourself and others?

What might help trigger you to remember what you’ve learnt, so that you’re more likely to apply that learning?

Picture yourself a year in the future. What might you regret not doing right now?

We all have our particular view of any given situation. Whose view point is different from yours? What are they seeing and hearing?

3. Seeking the positives

What have you done recently, that you’ve felt you’ve done well?

Perhaps that’s been something for you, for someone else, for your team, for your organisation. It can be overwhelming when so much change is happening, too many things feel out of our control.

Reminding ourselves and acknowledging the things we have done well can help bring balance and a different perspective to what’s going on. If you’re like me, then it might take a while to form this into a habit. And our naturally negative, sceptical bias can get in the way.

Yet it’s a discipline that has helped me build and maintain a more positive and optimistic outlook, which makes a difference dealing with the more difficult challenges ahead.

What can you take from your past experiences to help you move forward right now?

The ties that bind us

Wed, 26 Aug 2020 14:26:06 GMT

How culture and ethos can unexpectedly shift

The pandemic has affected us all in different ways. And as we shift from the sudden jolt that happened in early lockdown to the easing of restrictions, a question has arisen through discussions I’ve had recently, about how do we work when so many working norms have been stretched, changed altered since this all began?

For established teams and groups, who already know each other, it’s been about adapting and finding different ways of working together.

Yet as time passes, situations change, people move, teams evolve. And those ties, those working relationships previously established, are no longer quite the same and new ones must be built.

So what does that mean for our sense of connection with each other?

How do we maintain or build trust if we aren’t able to meet?

Do we really still feel part of a team? A group? An organisation in the same way?

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Small talk matters.

Yet I’ve felt clumsy with it, not knowing how to start or what to say, trying to remember details that somehow slip easily from my mind.

And when I’m rushed with deadlines spilling all over my calendar, it’s the last thing on my mind.

Yet small talk matters.

Except I’ve always been careful to protect my personal life from my work life. Not wanting them to bleed into each other.

Work is work.

Home is private respite. A place to recuperate.

Somewhere to focus on other things outside of work.

I don’t necessarily want to share that with people I work with.

Except that small talk matters.

It’s not about becoming friends with everyone.

It isn’t about blurring personal and work life if we don’t want to.

It’s about understanding each other.

About building relationships.

Commonality.

Trust.

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As we continue to work together, stretched across the online and physical space we have, some of the ties between us that we have relied on are beginning to stretch.

I’ve noticed that no longer are the coffee breaks, corridor chats, unexpected catch ups on the way to meetings creating space to strengthen those ties. Instead I’ve had to make conscious effort. Almost formalise the small talk. And that feels odd.

But without that, what remains? Interactions that become more and more transactional. A silently growing distance in relationships and loss of connection.

And it’s those connections, the ties that bind us, give us purpose, a sense of belonging and desire to work together that can start to unravel with unintended consequences.

Which has got me thinking.

A positive, collaborative environment. An enthusiastic team spirit. A shared sense of collective responsibility can dissipate if not attended to. And it’s the little things that can make a big difference to that, to setting the tone and the culture of a team, and organisation.

So if your door was always open and you were willing to speak with people when they needed a moment. What’s happening now?

Has remoteness suddenly created a barrier?

Perhaps people knew when a ‘good time’ was to know on your door to talk something through. Is that still there?

Has the connection between you and your team, and your colleagues been pulled thin?

And what does that mean for other connections?

If you’re managing a team, how has your togetherness as a team been affected? The connections between each of your team members?

It can be easy to make assumptions, perhaps live off the good will and strength of relationships previously established. Yet assumptions can lead to miscommunication, misinterpretation, a slow erosion of trust.

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So whether you’re still working remotely from home, back in your place of work, or slowly transitioning into a new way of working, if you’re thinking in these terms how can we maintain and strengthen our culture and sense of shared purpose…

Here are 5 tips on renewing your connections:

1. Small talk matters, don’t let it disappear

For some a chance one-one conversation with another person at the start or end of a meeting helps build bridges, particularly if we wouldn’t necessarily socialise or work with regularly

For others, group chats with energy and vibrancy build a sense of collegiality within the team

How might you promote these interactions whilst appreciative of what might work for individuals as well as for the group?

Working remotely, in an online world may mean doing things differently. I’ve found that sometimes it helps to do something more formally, even though it feels uncomfortable at first. A simple question such as “what’s on your mind [work or home] right now?” creates space to share some of what we’re experiencing and gaining a better perspective on where other people are at.

2. Airing issues, seeking solutions

Some things travel through the grapevine. Discontentment, frustrations that haven’t yet bubbled over might rise up through casual conversation.

So when we sit in our own worlds those issues can become boxed, in suppressed, until the pressure explodes.

Getting these out into the open early may feel uncomfortable, particularly if there are no easy answers. Yet sharing frustrations and encouraging collaborative solutions can have benefits both in realising that others may be experiencing similar issues and finding collective ways forward.

3. Are you walking your talk?

It’s been a challenging time. Putting in place measures to keep people working, adapting quickly to rapidly changing circumstances. Trying to make sense of what that might mean for everyone, to offer direction, guidance and support.

But are you doing what you’ve told others to do?

Perhaps you’ve put everyone else first. That you’re carrying the burden so others don’t have to.

Perhaps focusing on everyone else has been the only way to make sense of what’s been happening.

And in the short term, sometimes it is simply what you have to do.

Yet continuing in this way sets a precedent and without it being noticeable, can change the culture and ethos people once subscribed to.

So how much are you looking after yourself in the same way you’re looking after others?

What are you role modelling to others that you haven’t yet realised?

4. How much is fear driving you?

In times of uncertainty it’s natural to experience fear. Worries about our job, our organisation, whether decisions about our future which are dealt to us, rather than our choice.

Fear tells us to beware. To stay vigilant. To be prepared to fight, or flee, or freeze.

And that drive can be useful to prepare us for the unexpected.

Yet when it’s constant, never-ending, it becomes ingrained and entrenched in a new sort of normal. And can have long lasting unintended consequences.

It can impact our wellbeing, our capacity to deal with challenges, our decision making. It can impact others, creating an environment of heightened anxiety, where taking risk and fear of failure override good work.

How much fear is showing up for you in your work and interactions with others?

How is it affect you and those around you?

Being able to manage fear, use it productively, and yet take perspective on what it’s driving in ourselves and others, can help deal with some of the most difficult challenges we’re facing. Creating a space where fear can be exposed safely reduces it’s sting, it’s hold over us and helps us see more clearly what we might do with it instead.

5. Watching for burnout

In times where tension, fear, anxiety are prevalent, we can get so focused on controlling doing everything we can to make things happen, that it takes a deep heavy toll. We might also see this in others too, and yet we still keep going, believing in ability to simply keep going not wanting to let anyone down.

Yet without care we burn out, driven faster and deeper than we ever thought possible.

Watching out for burnout is crucial.

And even more important when we’re no longer present in each other’s company, when we’re no longer able to see some small tell-tale signs that might indicate what’s happening.

While I could write a full post on this topic, if you’re wondering what these signs are, take a look at this article from Forbes which highlights signs to watch for and what you could do if you’re feeling this way.

Taking care of each other, understanding what each of us is going through is harder with distance between us. Yet creating the time, spending the time to truly check-in strengthen existing ties, and builds new bonds as we make our way through an uncertain future.

Blocked!

Wed, 22 Jul 2020 13:51:25 GMT

Noticing the impact of avoidance

It’s an invisible wall. Solid and unmoving. I’ve been hitting it without realising it’s there.

My attention has been focused elsewhere. Managing the immediacy of the lockdown, adjusting work patterns, home life, scrabbling to find positives and possible ways forward, rather than treading water and waiting.

Yet it’s becoming more obvious there’s an obstacle in my way, that I can’t see.

I’m trying to get back into the routine I had, and get on with the activities I saw as critical and a priority.

But my attempts to do this take me nowhere. And I berate myself for procrastinating, which I know comes easy when I don’t really want to do something. Some how though, this is different.

And it’s disconcerting because I’m not sure what this means. What effect will this have for me longer term. What am I missing if I ignore it?

It’s there, yet I can’t make sense of it. So am I wasting my precious time trying to figure out what it is and how I overcome it?

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I’ve talked before about fear and procrastination, and I’ve found ways to help me through those situations, which is why this feels different.

So how do you deal with an unknown? Something that’s difficult to make sense of and unclear what the impact would be if you ignore it.

It may not be obvious at first. It’s taken me a while to realise there’s a repeating pattern going on. And I find it helpful to acknowledge and thank myself for having spotted what’s happening and choosing to do something about it.

Sounds a bit cringeworthy when I say that, yet I also know I could have easily continued to ignore it and then it would have grown into something much bigger and harder to deal with. Acknowledging to myself that I spotted it, helps remind me that it’s worth paying attention to the little niggles that sit there and don’t go away.

So what can you do?

At first, I tried numerous ways of ending my procrastinating tactics; blanking out time in my calendar, turning off my email, attempting to do the work first thing before anything else , creating a reward incentive.

Then I dismissed it as no longer being such an important activity!

After realising, this was simply ignoring a problem that wasn’t going away, I sought inspiration looking for different ways I could approach it.

I tried to reason and make sense of what has stopped me from simply getting on with this work.

And now I’ve realised that it’s an invisible blocker that I may never full grasp.

What’s become more apparent is there’s a balance, that as I’ve swung one way (I’ve got to fully get to grips and understand what’s stopping me doing this) to the other way (ignore and not bother), I’ve become immersed so deeply with everything that it’s preventing me from taking a look down at what’s really going on.

Some activities rightly no longer have the priority I once gave them. They still have importance, but the emphasis has changed.

Whilst I usually rely on gaining a deeper understanding to help me solve problems, a lack of information makes that difficult to do. So I’m focusing on what it takes to get something done. Finding a crack in that invisible wall that gives me a finger hold.

I’ll think “what was that all about” later.

And what makes the difference now, is that having got my head around the importance of these activities and adjusted their priority within my work, the frustration I’ve been feeling has lessened. And that’s helped me move on with the things that do matter right here and now.

What's happening for you right now?

Tue, 09 Jun 2020 15:36:55 GMT

Coping with change and uncertainty

First a jolt

Then a long pause

Trying to tread water whilst holding breath

And now…

A nudge?

A push?

A tug?

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Lockdown wasn’t completely a bolt from the blue, signs were there something would happen before it occurred. Yet when it happened, it felt like a jolt. The mad scramble to keep things going, to suddenly and quickly find how to work from home, make sure that we could carry on.

And as the effect of the jolt subsided other aspects of lockdown started to become apparent. The blurred lines of work life and home life. Changes in routine. The loss of social contact. The virtual space growing, becoming a life-line.

For some of us things changed radically, for others it’s been adjusting, adapting, finding different ways to deal with what’s happened. Yet it feels like we’ve been held in suspension. Waiting. A long pause.

And now. Now something has moved, like we’re on the cusp of another change. Different again. Prolonging confusion over what’s the right thing to do, deeper uncertainty about what the future looks like, a driving need to ‘get on’. And how does that feel? A nudge? A push? A tug?

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I’ve found it difficult to blog in recent weeks, finding myself trying to grapple with what’s going on and feeling like nothing is secure. So I’ve taken time trying to reflect on what positive learning I might share, and here are some thoughts on what I’ve learnt and unexpected moments that have shifted my thinking.

Deal with the jolt of crisis and then make sure to take time for you

A sudden jolt tests everyone, the resilience of an organisation and how people come together to get through it. Time is of the essence. It’s stressful. Decisions are made quickly. Right or wrong is hard to gauge, that comes with the luxury of hindsight.

There are lessons to learn, to understand what worked and what didn’t, preparing for the unexpected which may hit again at any time.

But after the initial surge of action, what then? Practicalities dealt with, a mix of emotion can suddenly hit, led by questions that have no answer and add to the discomfort of uncertainty.

And here’s the point to take a step back. To understand where you’re at. How you’re feeling. The impact it’s had on you. It’s easy to dismiss this when everything else is shouting out for your attention.

I’ve had to carefully and deliberately make this space for me. How about you?

As I held my breath in the long pause, I learnt some things that surprised me a little

1. Calendars, task lists and clear goals have not been as good as paying attention to my frame of mind

I’m a planner. Put it in my calendar and it’ll happen. Wellllll…. Okay, I procrastinate! But generally I find this helps me get stuff done. Yet not so much when I’m feeling a bit adrift. And recently I’ve felt adrift a long way out to sea.

What I’ve noticed, particularly recently, is when I’m the right frame of mind, I’ll find the time and energy to get stuff done. And to get that frame of mind, that might mean doing something non-work related first. Which is where the guilt kicks in. Difficult to stop the ‘you should be working right now’ thoughts.

But having sat at my desk, staring at the list of stuff to do, avoiding all of it and then giving myself a hard time later, taking the time out at the start of the day to get myself in the right frame of mind is worth the time it takes. And more.

2. Some tried and tested techniques might need adaption

I’m not a great sleeper. Haven’t been for years. So periods of restlessness and sleeplessness are not new. Usually holiday is when I have better periods of sleep – a step back from work, a different environment, much more physical activity. I find sleep.

Holiday had been booked. But of course lockdown changed that. Yet we decided to take the time away from work anyway. And my expectation was that after having several weeks of poor quality sleep, the break would help me find a sleep routine again…

Which meant it was a shock to find I felt I barely slept. At all. Restless. Endlessly restless. So much so I’ve had to re-evaluate my sleep hygiene routine, and adapt what might work and look for alternatives.

And it’s prompted me to think about other habits and routines that I’ve relied on before that aren’t necessarily working as well right now.

3. Re-establishing boundaries between home life and work life

Working from home. Then holiday at home. Then back to work, at home.

It all seemed to blur into one. The usual cues just weren’t there.

Okay, so we slept in a little longer on holiday, we did different things. But we woke up in the same room in the same place. The view out of the window was the same. What we ate and drank, the same. The holiday was more like a loooooong weekend. A break, but also not quite a break from work. It still hovered there.

And then suddenly we were ‘back at work’. Except that we were in the same place, with the same view, with almost the same routine. It felt odd, disjointed. It didn’t feel like I was back at work. Took a while to find the ‘I’m at work mindset’ when nothing else had changed.

It was a clear reminder on re-establishing boundaries and routine to signal ‘work’ time and ‘home’ time, particularly when taking annual leave.

And now…

The future still feels uncertain, with many unknowns to grapple with. Yet as some plans get set out to provide direction, more changes are happening with more on the way. A push, a tug, some movement out of the stasis we’ve been caught in over the last few weeks… And that’s made me consider what will help me over the coming weeks and months.

1. What’s normal anyway?

It’s easy to slip into routine to get through the days. Yet this has heighten my awareness of how much something unexpected can suddenly jolt us out of ‘normal’.

So rather than getting frustrated about the unexpected disrupting routine, as I naturally do, I’m trying to celebrate the unexpected in each day and how I can use it and frame it positively to move forward.

2. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable

So easy to say! Discomfort of uncertainty is a feeling to avoid, something to get away from and retreat into a secure space.

Yet looking to the future those secure spaces may no longer be there and perhaps the discomfort of uncertainty is a place where new opportunities arise.

Vital in being comfortable with the uncomfortable is building our personal resilience to give us confidence in bearing the discomfort of uncertainty and belief in ourselves to find a positive way through.

3. Pay close attention to yourself and adapt

When discomfort and uncertainty prevail, paying attention to what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling and what I’m saying is important. It helps me recognise where I’m at, how I’m likely to be impacting other people and what my frame of mind is. Habits might not be serving me as well as they used to. And giving myself time to adapting these now will pay dividends in the future. I believe I’ll be able to process what’s happening around me more positively and in doing so help others through whatever changes and challenges we face.

Where are we and what does it mean?

Mon, 27 Apr 2020 13:02:49 GMT

How are you coping with the current crisis?

It’s been a few weeks since my last blog post.

Bizarrely the time has slipped by.

At first, when the lockdown was announced and came into force, time slowed. Felt stretched out. Adjusting to the practicalities just had to happen, yet some things felt surreal.

No traffic on the streets.

Avoiding people walking down the road.

Not getting together with others.

Suddenly everything was quiet.

Time slumped.

(Admittedly I don’t have children, which likely would have changed that)

At first it was okay. New routine, boundaries negotiated as we discovered how to work from home together.

Then the sudden quietness started to eat away at me. I didn’t realise it at first. But old habits and instinct kicked in. Things I’ve been working on letting go of.

I like time and my own company to get on with things. But too much and I become engrossed in small inconsequential detail and stop looking at the bigger things that matter. These slip. Suddenly I’m not getting on with things/tasks/activities that matter and will make a difference for me or others.

I stop communicating. I have a strong preference for talking to people, one-to-one. Personal conversations. Work conversations. Coaching conversations. So if it’s not in my calendar, it doesn’t happen.

I ignore how I’m feeling deep down. Focusing on making plans is my default way of feeling in control. Yet with things outside of my control rapidly changing, or just uncertain, plans aren’t fulfilled or come to fruition. Then a whole host of emotion erupts, frustration, agitation, despondency.

And it’s been an accumulation of small things that’s made me take a step back and realise it.

It’s incredibly difficult listening to the news, so much so I’ve limited myself to no more than 1 hour each day.

If I’m out walking, I’m tense as people draw near, who’s going to move away to maintain 2 metres? Crossing the road whilst they are still figures in the distance.

Feeling agitated whilst food shopping as we all stop-start down aisles shuffling forward trying to get what we need, when someone bursts down past the rest of us to get through. Then realising I’ve just walked straight past the one item I really needed to get and almost losing it with myself…

Even with paying attention to exercising (more than I have ever managed before!), regulating my caffeine intake, careful about bedtime routine, my sleep pattern is shot to pieces. I’m not a great sleeper, but never quite had a period as restless and difficult as this.

Now time has suddenly sped up again.

I don’t quite know when it happened.

Taking a day off for a long weekend, has meant 3 short weeks. About to take some ‘holiday’ and now my work time is compressed and has brought to my mind just how much I want to get done before I take time off.

My deadline work habit has kicked in again. The quietness made time feel luxurious and nebulous – I had so much time to put plans in place, get all the things I’d been putting off done. Yet I haven’t. And the time was an illusion.

So what does this all mean?

Paying attention to my habits and instincts, recognising that I need to put in additional effort to do things differently. Because I know when I do, I’m in a better place – forward thinking, positive frame of mind, helping other people, feeling supported by sharing what’s going on and revealing to myself how I’m feeling deep down.

Uncertainty will be with us for a while yet. I don’t know how long, I’m not in a position to guess, though I could pronounce an opinion. I know that plans are useful, but have limits. By focusing on process, I believe can place myself in a better position to respond to uncertainty and have flexibility in any plans I create. So I’ve been asking myself a few questions…

- What else can I do to look after my wellbeing, in the current situation?

- Who can and should I be speaking with, whom I haven’t already been in contact with?

- What are the things I am most scared of right now, and what am I going to do about them?

- Who’s going to help me with that?

- How can I create thinking space, space to analyse what’s going on (without guilt)?

I'm concentrating on moving forward, rather than ‘going back to normal’. The phrase ‘going back’ feels like an expectation that we’ll all suddenly snap into a timeframe that continues from when the lockdown was imposed. That life, business and organisations will be running as they were. Yet sadly many lives have been lost and changed profoundly, and a significant amount of time has passed. I believe that rather than thinking about a ‘return to normal’, considering what the future may look like moving forward helps us take into account and acknowledge all that has happened in the intervening time.

So what future possibilities do you see?

And without the possibility of having what was, which of the possibilities are worth concentrating on?

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On a practical level, what can you do right now?

I’ve spoken about my own experiences from a personal perspective, and I realise that these are thoughts on how I’ve been managing. So below, I’ve compiled some tips to help you right now whether or not you lead others.

Think about yourself and your wellbeing

If you’re in a positive frame of mind you’ll be in a much better place to help others. Which means it’s good to have ‘me-time’.

So what is restorative for you? Virtual socialising? Or perhaps quiet time alone?

Whatever it is, make it happen. Perhaps it may take more effort to do it, may be overcoming feelings of guilt or selfishness, yet the pay back will make a huge difference for you and for others.

A metaphor I find useful to help illustrate this is the safety briefing at the start of a flight… “Put on your oxygen mask, before helping others”.

Check-in with others

Everyone will be taking this in at their own pace, have different concerns. Supporting one another online or over the phone is vital when we can’t meet and sharing thoughts and feelings brings people together.

And I’ve realised that it’s important to have this ethos both in work and in personal life too. We are all experiencing this from different perspectives. Patience and acceptance of how this is affecting each and everyone of us, builds our own support network as well as helping out others.

Think about the future possibilities

What if things don’t return to normal? What out of the myriad of possibilities, are worth focusing on and working up into visions and possible plans for the future?

It’s okay not to have all the answers, yet offer what reassurance you can

Trust is all important. It will be tested. People do want and will look for clear cut answers, however giving absolute answers can erode trust, if those become failed promises. Description of possible steps forward, an outline of what might happen, can reassure others that you’ve spent time looking ahead. Being open about the uncertainty means you’re being clear with people that things might well change even with the best laid plans.

Be people-centric

Whatever happens put people first. In plans for the future, in the possibility of difficult decisions and tough conversations. After all, we are all in this together, and will come out of this together.

I’m with you on this journey. By sharing thoughts, experiences and ideas, I believe that together we will find a positive way forward.

Stay safe and keep well.

Leading in rapidly evolving and uncertain times

Tue, 17 Mar 2020 13:56:22 GMT

How are you coping with the current crisis?

Perhaps you've already been planning for the effects of COVID-19, or perhaps the uncertainty has made it difficult to know exactly how to respond. Either way, we are in a rapidly changing working environment and adapting to this is vital.

So as you take on and assimilate the guidance from government, here are my thoughts on how to adapt to new ways of working as efficiently and effectively as possible, and leading others through this unsettling and uncertain time.

Remote working

How familiar are you and people within your team and organisation with remote working?

It’s a different style of working…

It can be lonely and isolating.

It can offer sustain periods for focused activity.

It can be easy to get distracted with a whole host of other activities and chores!

Procrastination can become king…

Recognising everyone works differently and works best in different environments, means there is no right or wrong way to sustain remote working.

As a leader and/or manager it’s worth considering the following

- How can you provide virtual social interaction?

o The informal coffee chats that keep people in-tune with each other and feeling motivated and committed to work

o The times where ideas are sparked because of a conversation with someone else, perhaps a problem someone has been mulling over

o Sharing the difficulties of remote working, and what different solutions people have tried to keep focused and enthused about their work

- How will you keep in touch with people?

o Formal virtual meetings can replace face-to-face meetings. Along with the technical means, how will you run/chair these types of meetings? Are there new ground rules to be set to ensure that everyone has chance to contribute? My own experience is that it takes some readjustment to keep everyone on the same page and also listening and reaching common agreement, and ensure meetings are productive rather than frustrating.

o What about your informal networks of knowing how others are doing, progress made, issues and difficulties that suddenly arise? How will you keep in touch?

o What changes to your usual methods of communicating will help people stay informed, and enable them to feedback concerns or queries? Remote working may lend itself to ramping up email correspondence. However, are there other ways that you could talk to a wider group of people?

- What are your expectations?

o Perhaps business continuity planning has focused on key priorities and other activities have been pushed to one side for the moment. What does this mean for your team and organisation?

o Are you expecting people to achieve what you anticipated they would before circumstances changed? What barriers might arise from new ways of working?

o How will you become aware of unexpected challenges that people may be facing?

o With a rapidly changing environment, how will you monitor the changes and assimilate this into your key priority areas?

- Looking after your own and others wellbeing

o These are challenging times. Dealing with fast moving changes can take huge amounts of time, effort and focus. And then suddenly the uncertainty can erupt into anxiety, sleepless nights, uncomfortable unsettling gnawing doubt. And this can be amplified if you’re isolated through remote working.

o So what activities help you look after your health and wellbeing? How can you incorporate them into your day so that you’re able to balance workload and wellbeing? Would keeping to normal work times help? Or would adapting your routine help you become more effective?

o What does this mean for the people you lead and/or manage? How can you support them and their wellbeing? Perhaps it’s worth a conversation with each person you work with directly, a check-in to make sure they are okay, as you might do if you were back in the office.

Don’t forget to keep talking. An information vacuum heightens how people are feeling, particularly if they are anxious. And you may be feeling anxious too.

As someone leading and managing others, acknowledging how you and others are feeling can help retain the trust people have in you. Importantly, focus on what actions, steps, solutions you’re putting in place. Demonstrate empathy for others, and give them a direction to work towards.

And no one person has all the answers, no one way will be the ‘right’ way. The more diverse the input into decisions, the more rounded a view you’ll have as you look to the future and move forward, and this will help you adapt to the continuously changing circumstances.

Constellation of Change

Tue, 03 Mar 2020 12:00:59 GMT

Leading from the start; what to do

Have you been trying to dig a new path in a different direction, asking people to come with you, and struggling to maintain your motivation and energy?

Bringing about change takes time, so if you finding yourself getting caught up in the detail, losing yourself and your enthusiasm, it’s time to take a step back.

And sometimes break through can come at unexpected times and in unexpected ways, being able to see those opportunities can bring all that toil to fruition.

So here are some tips to help reflect on where you've got to and where you're going.

1. Focus on individuals

How well do you know the people you’re working with? How about the people you lead?

Understanding what motivates a person, what they value and what their strengths are and how this links them into the changes will help you both see the contribution they can make in the new direction you’re all taking.

Are there new opportunities for individuals?

When you’re leading change, it can create opportunities for people to move into roles that are a better fit for their skills and strengths.

It may also create a desire to retain people you know and trust to help you deliver the changes across the group, department, organisation. Yet there are times when the changes may not necessarily work for them, which can cause tension and a dilemma – to help someone seek other opportunities, when you are relying on them to support you through the changes. By supporting individuals to identify and follow their path, you’ll be working to bring out the best in them and the opportunity to work with new people who will be able to offer different perspectives on how you move forward.

2. Keeping a view on the wider system

It can be easy to get lost in the detail.

It can also feel like the goal posts keep moving. That the place you thought you were heading to suddenly disappears from view.

And simply keeping the whole thing going in the right direction feels overwhelming.

Are you a visual person? Or perhaps it’s words and phrases you’re drawn to?

Find a way to illustrate where you’re aiming for, that is quick and easy to relate to, a simple reminder for yourself and others.

Make time for regular reviews on progress.

- What’s changed since the last review?

- What’s changed externally to us?

- How do we integrate the external changes to the internal changes we’re making?

- Are we still heading in the right direction?

Are you connected to the right people?

Changes happen across a system, an interconnected web. As you lead change

- How strong are your connections across that web?

- Have you lost connections?

- What new connections can or should you build?

Making sense of the whole

A focus on individuals, a view on the wider system, keeping everything going can feel simply too much to contain and maintain.

- Who are you working with who also has a vested interest in making this a success?

- Who can help you see things from different perspectives?

- Who can help you step outside, re-charge and re-energise?

3. Gratitude and Celebration

Don’t forget to celebrate! Whatever steps you’ve taken, they’re steps forward. And marking movement forward can help everyone recognise the changes that have happened, and keep momentum.

And if individuals have moved on to new roles, thanking them and acknowledging their contribution will help people feel valued and respected whether they remain or pursue other opportunities.

Seek to enjoy the journey, the challenges you overcome and the progress you make. Destinations may change with time, it’s the path you make that you’ll remember and learn from.

Talking it out...

Mon, 17 Feb 2020 17:15:24 GMT

Leading from the start; a story

Day 249

Change can feel like it's dragging and can then suddenly happen…

It's a relief that Susan has accepted the role and that she'll start not too long after Joe finishes. My meeting with Joe today was one of the most positive I've had with him. I guess having chosen to leave and move on, has helped him let go of some of his frustration with things that are happening here.

Should I feel this relieved that he’s going? I guess the guilt of feeling relieved will stop me!

Just got to make sure he wraps up some key bits of work before he disappears and he seemed fine with that when I spoke to him about it. If only things had been like this before…

Day 250

Seems that Lucy's interview went well. She said she'd find out tomorrow as to whether she's got the job. She thanked me for helping her prepare for it. I think it will be a good mood for her working more and what she enjoys and better maps with what she does well at.

There’s a part of me though starting to panic a little as to how I’m going to manage with two people leaving in short succession. I know I’ll deal with it. But still, talk about timing!

Also had a meeting with Paul and was candid with him about how I've been feeling. I get that the changes about to happen in my team will creating new opportunities, just transitions like this take so much time.

But then it’s helping me push away the game-playing that Cathy has been drawing me into. Found myself going on a charm offensive last week, trying not to bad-mouth her, yet having to find a way to add weight to my point of view. Not really sure I have the skills for this. I’ve been talking it over with my coach and I know it’s all about influencing, just sometimes feels like I have to manipulate situations. And I don’t like it! But talking it through and digging into why I feel like this is at least helping me decide on how I can deal with this differently.

Day 251

Lucy got the job. As it is an internal move, she's already present pressing to transition into a new role quickly, but she’ll have to wait until I recruit. Or maybe I’m over-reacting? I'm pleased for her just it’s creating a bit of a headache. Everything is slowing down, and I know that the changes are taking time, and it’s affecting how people are feeling, I just wish it wasn’t causing quite so many things to slip and fall behind schedule. It’s going to start to bite soon, if we can’t show progress and hit our targets.

Day 252

Had my one-to-one with Mark and was happy to tell him I just received some favourable feedback - thanks for a good job well done. He looked pleased. I know it's working progress but at least he's moving in the right direction and it really hasn't been an easy time.

One of the things I agreed to do with my coach is keep a positive perspective, so I’m trying to change these entries into what’s gone well each day.

Hmm… perhaps it’s something that I’m struggling to write much tonight!

Day 253

I managed to have coffee with Laura and it was good just have a chat for a bit. She's been vital support these last couple of months especially with Cathy continuing to manoeuvre behind my back.

We also talked about the organisational changes and realise that having got bogged down in all the detail we've lost sight of it of what this is all about. Decided to set aside time next week to work out what we could do to get some more positive momentum, as it feels like we could get swamped by all the discontent if we're not careful.

I ended the week with a coaching session, third one now. After Paul suggested it, I really wasn’t sure what to expect or how it would work, but Paul’s been right it’s helped me work things through confidentially and I’ve found myself admitting just how frustrated ad isolated I’ve been feeling the last feel months. It’s been a relief to talk about it though and somehow liberating! I’ve realised I can handle things differently, I just need to notice when I’m reacting and try a different approach. Not easy to do, but I came away from the coaching more energised and positive about things that I have done in a long time.

And if nothing else, I’m starting to sleep a little better...

You come first!

Tue, 04 Feb 2020 11:16:08 GMT

Leading from the start; what to do

Dealing problems can be overwhelming. Suddenly all your time and energy is sucked up by everything happening around you. All the things you haven’t done, that are spiralling out of control, that you’re trying to get a grip on.

And the one thing that’s lost is you.

Putting yourself and your well-being first will pay dividends in dealing with everything else going on.

Which is so much easier said than done! So here are some tips from me on making sure you come first.

1. How well are you sleeping?

Are you waking up in the middle of the night with thoughts running around your head, unable to sleep anymore?

In consistent sleep can leave you feeling drained and exhausted with much less energy to deal with the events of the day. Getting a good nights’ sleep is an important aspect of feeling able to cope with the challenges that work throws at you.

There are many sources of information on how to sleep well, or prepare for sleep. Here I’ll share a few tips that have made a difference for me.

a. Hide your alarm clock! I found that being able to see the time meant I could countdown the minutes and the hours I was awake. It simply heightened my frustration that I wasn’t asleep, making it even less likely that I would become drowsy. Being unaware of the time means I’m much less likely to get fixated by how long I’ve been awake. It can take a while to get used to though, so be prepared to stop yourself from getting up to look at the time!

b. Getting up and writing things down so it stops running around your head can be helpful, but it also can be disruptive when it’s the the middle of the night. Instead try taking moments in the evening to think things through. I find when I'm doing some tasks like cleaning the table, putting the dishes away, making tea, I’ll think the back to what's happened over the day and if there's anything that's concerning me, I'll make a note for the morning. This means I have a list of all the things that I'm worried about before I go to bed and I'm less likely to wake up in the middle of the night anxious about my to-do list.

c. If my mind is racing and I'm unable to stop those thoughts, then sometimes reading or listening to a book helps me focus on something else, reading until I’m so tired I fall asleep. It does mean moving rooms so not to cause disturbance.

2. How confident are you in other people?

When you're not confident in the people around you may feel vulnerable and isolated. Building confidence in other people is can make you to feel more confident about your work as well as the work that other people do.

a. When you're discussing work, be explicit about what you expect from them and what you will do to contribute. The more precise the expectations are, the clearer and more transparent it will be to all involved what each person will do and by when.

b. What is it you’re expecting to see? Is it an outcome? Is it the way in which a person goes about completing a piece of work? Be clear in your own mind what you’re looking for, and then convey this. It might be that you expect a particular outcome (e.g. a report completed by a certain date), but in addition to that also demonstrate certain behaviours (e.g. taking a visible lead) in generating the outcome. If this is what you want to see then discuss it with the person so you’re both on the same page.

c. Praise! Positive feedback is an important part of demonstrating your trust someone and will help you recognise their capability.

d. Be timely with feedback if someone could be doing something differently. Invite them to reflect on your feedback and talk about it.

e. Be willing to hear what you could do differently to help them, and decide how to act on it. They may need your support in perhaps unexpected ways.

f. Openly support the person as you can and give them feedback in private.

3. Do you have the same values?

If someone is distant and discontented in their work, there may be a clash of values. Opening up a discussion on what it is they value in their work will help create understanding of what motivates them and their discontentment arises from. From this, is an opportunity to find out where you have common values and what practical ways you could work together.

4. Making change happen

If you're looking to make changes happen, look after your own well-being.

a. Find positive ways to keep the momentum going for yourself and the team(s) you’re working in. It could be marking small steps forward, milestones successfully met, particular challenges overcome. A clear focus on the positive progress made.

b. Resistance and constantly hearing negative thoughts can be wearing, so it is important to keep a positive perspective for yourself so that you can help others. What can you do to keep yourself in a positive frame of mind? Perhaps it’s time out of work and relaxation activities, or exercising to release pent up energy. Whatever it may be, keep that time for yourself.

c. Keep talking to people. Having a continuous dialogue with others helps change happen. This will help people understand what's going on, or help manage their expectations. Making it a two-way dialogue gives people an opportunity to contribute, feel valued and listened to, and more involved in making the change happen.

5. Don't forget your support network!

I’ve mentioned this before, I know! It’s easy to become isolated and overwhelmed, and people you can speak to will help relieve some of the pressure. So who can you speak to confidentially, whom you trust and will listen?

Is this really the right way?

Tue, 21 Jan 2020 09:23:17 GMT

Leading from the start; a story

Day 153

I was awake in the early hours. Couldn’t sleep. I’ve had to hid my alarm clock so I can no longer see what time it is. Someone mentioned it helps then back to sleep more quickly. I guess it works in a way, stops me counting down the minutes and hours, getting obsessed with how many hours sleep I’ve lost and berating myself for not being asleep.

This week is full of meeting I’m dreading. The fallout could be bad. I just wish it was over so I knew where I stood.

I can’t work out if writing out how I’m feeling in the middle of the night helps or not. At least after doing it I managed to fall asleep for a while.

And even though I tend to be more snappy when I’m tired, today went better than I thought it might. I had my one-to-one with Amanda and she didn’t get as upset as I thought she might when I broached it that she was slipping on deadlines and that I was concerned she could handle the work. I’m trying so hard to build her confidence in taking on new things, but it is immensely frustrating that she seems to take forever over something. She’s capable and sometime I can’t understand why she doesn’t have more self-belief and just get on with it.

Still she must be growing in confidence as she pointed out several things that I could have done better that would have helped her! I guess bracing myself for a difficult meeting helped me keep my temper and I managed to bite my tongue. And now thinking back to what she said, she made some fair points. I did just land stuff on her without making it clear what I wanted to see from her, other than to make sure the work got done. And I wasn’t particularly supportive when Stuart decided to stick his oar in. I really should have told him to back off.

Some things to remember.

Just need some sleep so I’m more on top of it all.

Day 154

Today was the turn of Joe. I know I’ve been ignoring his negativity. I figured things would settle down after me coming in and the changes I’ve imposed. But now it’s just getting to me. And I know it’s been affecting Amanda, Lucy and Mark as well as others. Decided to try a different approach. Our one-to-ones have begun to feel more and more confrontational where he picks holes in everything or simply moans and start to lose my patience and tell him exactly what is and isn’t going to happen. Over coffee Laura asked me what Joe thought the solution was to all his ills, and I realised I’d tuned out so much I wasn’t asking him anymore. So today I did. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised he was defensive and suspicious. It pushed me into being more blunt than I usually am, particularly in pointing out we were going nowhere and he simply wasn’t accepting my suggestions or solutions, so something had to change. Not sure we got very far, particularly as he seemed intent on focusing what he thought everybody else should be doing. In the end we ran out of time and he looked about as frustrated as I felt. Oh well, another month’s reprieve until I have to do this again.

Day 155

Finally, two conversations I’ve been dreading are over with. The one with Lucy got tense. She doesn’t take feedback well and it’s become a sore point that the lack of attention to detail is detracting hugely from how people see her. But it’s almost like she doesn’t care, all she wants is a promotion, yet at the moment I couldn’t support it. I get that it’s not her strong point, she does want to get into the nitty gritty and somehow, we ended up talking about what she enjoys in her work and what she doesn’t. It’s made me wonder if this is really the right role for her, even though she’s been in it a couple of years or so.

I have to admit I felt slightly sick as Mark walked in. After the informal complaint about a month ago, and a long conversation about it then, Mark agreed that we should meet more regularly and discuss how things were going and try to work out a way forward. It’s been playing on my mind each time I give Mark feedback. Sometimes he takes it okay and other times he gets very upset and it takes time for him to calm down. Still, I think he’s starting to see that the individual difficult interactions he has with people are linked and he is trying to do things differently and not react so strongly to everything. When I suggested that perhaps some training courses might help, he said he’d think about it. Just got to be patient on this one.

Day 156

We’re slowly moving forward with all the org changes and at least today’s leadership team meeting was a bit more positive. Gary was less pedantic than of late, and I actually found myself agreeing with a good number of the points he raised! Paul was more relaxed and less aggressive than he was in the last meeting and even Stuart wasn’t particularly argumentative. Laura had kept her ear to the ground and was trying to gauge how our announcements had been going down. Sounds like after a flurry of excitement and anxiety, some discontentment has set in. We agreed that we’d have to do some more positive messaging to keep some momentum and allay some fears, if we could.

I caught up with Laura afterwards and she asked me how the meeting with Joe had gone. We talked it over and it made me realise that it might be better to revisit the negativity Joe is carrying, sooner rather than later. Oh!

Day 157

Today was draining. I had to psych myself up for a one-day conference that I’ve no particular interest in, other than to be seen at. I guess in the end I had some useful conversations and perhaps it’s getting easier attending these types of events. I’ve got my patter sorted for the first minutes, and that helps smooth the first few awkward moments meeting someone. Still, does feel like I have to fix my smile each time.

The mid-afternoon I see a short email from Laura about Cathy which just makes my blood boil. I tried calling Laura to get more detail, but she was clearly tied up in other things. Looks like Cathy’s been slyly talking behind my back. Claws out by the sounds of it. Cannot believe it!

Rest of the day was a blow out.

I’m still fuming now.

It’s 2.37am.

I can’t sleep.

I’m so wound up.

Argh.

I’m so tired.

Can’t think straight.

Why did I look at my email.

What is she doing.

Why.

Why has she been saying those things.

Untrue.

Unbelievable.

And now I’m plotting and planning all the things I’m going to do and say.

Just like her.

This isn’t me.

What is going on?

Wake up!

Tue, 07 Jan 2020 10:35:32 GMT

Getting through New Year winter blues

Movement.

I can hear something, but the blanket of darkness smothers my eyes shut.

Or perhaps it’s that opening my eyes requires effort.

And I’m struggling to summon the energy.

I rouse enough to recognise it’s still dark outside.

My mind starts to work itself into a whirr of all the things I need to do. An endless list.

My body still slumped. Immovable.

It takes a few minutes before I finally rise almost dragging myself out of bed.

Stumbling into the bathroom.

As I head for breakfast my body has finally caught up and I start to feel like I can finally prepare for the day ahead.

------

When left to my own timetable, waking up is natural.

When it’s scheduled with work, then it becomes more forced. And dark winter mornings feel the worst.

I’ve thought about what’s in my influence to make the start of my day work better for me. It would be great if all my days were more relaxed in the morning, but that’s not always possible.

What does make a difference is how I experience those first few minutes at the start of the day, just as I wake.

The more of a fight it is, the more the first couple of hours of my day are an internal battle of wills – on one side anxiety driven by a long to-do list, on the other side desire to sleep to push away all that I need to get done.

And the longer that internal battle rages, the less productive and satisfying my day is. The less happy I am.

So as I wake up, as I become aware of those first few moments in the morning, as the one side is groaning at the idea of waking up, I’m trying to take a few minutes where I don’t move but instead relax. Focusing on the moment in the here and now. Set aside some of those thoughts that are listing all the things I should be jumping out of bed to get done and, think and feel those few minutes of bliss before rising.

It shortens the internal battle, it lessens the antipathy enough that I start my day more quickly and in a much better frame of mind.

As the days slowly lengthen, I’m looking forward to waking with the sunlight peeking around the curtains and helping me smile in the morning.

Stop. Look. Listen. Prepare and Go.

Tue, 10 Dec 2019 11:07:03 GMT

Leading from the start; what to do

Time can be a strange thing. We consciously know that it doesn’t speed up or slow down. It’s constant, consistent and never ending. Yet period of time can feel stretched, compressed, horrendously long and suddenly disappear in the blink-of-an-eye.

Starting a new role, or experiencing any significant change, can dilate, squash or generally distort a sense of time. It can also make it difficult to recognise how much you’ve changed to deal with those circumstances.

Five months into a new role, some of that discomfort from not feeling wholly in control, or settled in a role may be superseded by uneasiness or worry from a whole set of different issues and challenges.

This can be a good time to take stock of where you are, and look at what will help you get through the next 5-6 months, perhaps it’ll be facing some uncomfortable situations.

Here are some suggestions on what to consider strengthening to help you through the next few months:

1. Who’s in your support network?

So you may be asking, ‘support network’?!?

The very idea may seem a bit alien. It may also feel perhaps inappropriate - that having taken on this role, you should be able to just get on with it and that there are things you’ve involved in that wouldn’t be okay to share with other people.

And there are conversations and discussions that it would be unsuitable to talk about with anyone.

The idea of a support network is identifying or knowing who you might speak with when things get tough. Perhaps you can’t share everything with everyone in your support network, instead there are individuals who can help you, or understand specific situations/challenges that you can turn to when needed.

To help think about who is in your support network…

- Who can you speak with in work? People whom you trust, perhaps understand your situation/challenges.

- And what support from them would help you? Someone to listen because you need to rant and off load what’s going on? Someone to advise you?

- How about people outside of work? Who might listen? Perhaps give you a different perspective?

2. What are you finding particularly challenging?

Perhaps some of the things that were challenging when you first started are still difficult now. Perhaps some have become much easier to deal with and other challenges have arisen.

An overwhelming amount of work can be a significant difficulty in itself. It may also mask some tasks or activities that hard to deal with or face, which then (perhaps without it being obvious) become much bigger issues as time passes.

- Are there things that you dread? Play on your mind? Perhaps things you keep pushing to one side to deal with later? These may not be immediately apparent, so perhaps try making a note each day during the coming week on what it is you may be putting off, or feel anxious about.

- What might help you do something about it? It may not have to be resolving it completely, but something small which means you’re starting to face it in some way. Perhaps it could be having a conversation with someone to share what it is you’re facing?

- And importantly note and celebrate each time you do something that is related to something you dread. It can help you recognise that whatever you did, however small that may feel, it was something that helped you move it forward.

3. Dealing with uncertainty

Change brings with it uncertainty. Uncertainty brings unsettlement. Leading others positively through periods of change when you’re feeling uncertain and unsettled can be enormously difficult.

There aren’t straight forward answers to leading in uncertain times. Here are some areas to consider what this means for you, if this is something you’re facing.

- What’s the purpose to the change(s)? Belief that change is important is critical as you lead others through. Dealing with their doubt will be a key part of helping them through the change and your belief will help you cope with that.

- Who is with you? The more people who are with you and see the benefits, the more support you’ll have helping others through the period of change.

- What are the risks and benefits? Change in uncertain times can feel risky. How much risk are you willing to take? What might you do to reduce the risk? And what happens if you don’t change? Being clear on this and being able to communicate this effectively to others can help to bring people with you.

- Acknowledging that change is a journey. That can be difficult with a clear goal in mind. In uncertain times, it may be that the original goal you set out for is not necessarily the right place to be as time passes. Reassessing progress and where you’re headed is an important part of enabling the changes to bring benefits and to respond to the unexpected.

Where are you now? Do you feel prepared for the next 5-6 months? Have you got the right support around you? It’s important to know you’re not alone, that together you’ll work a way through.

Choppy waters ahead!

Mon, 25 Nov 2019 15:27:47 GMT

Leading from the start; a story

Day 123

A mixture of excitement and dread as today we unveiled the new organisational structure. It really has been a sleepless couple of months and wasn’t expecting to be doing this quite so early on. Yet there’s some great opportunities. It’s not a huge shake up, just creation of a couple of roles and realignment of groups. Still braced for fall out though.

Spoke with a few people afterwards, and it felt a bit muted. Some questions, concerns, but difficult to gauge exactly how it’s gone down. I guess time will tell.

------

Day 124

Not heard much since yesterday’s announcement. Can’t tell if that’s good or bad! I’d cleared my diary in anticipation and it’s been a surprise how few people have come to speak with me. Maybe I should get out there? Maybe it’s just a matter of time?

Had a one-to-one with Amanda and touched on the announcement. She asked a number of questions and seemed reassured that it wouldn’t affect her hugely. Not at a personal level. Which is certainly helpful right now. She works hard and is diligent. I’d like to delegate more to her, just worry that she’s not up to it. She seems so uncomfortable taking on new things, and worries so much about whether she’s doing it right or not. Somehow I’d like her to have a bit more belief in herself and what she’s capable of.

On the other hand, my one-to-one with Joe wasn’t so great. Always asking ‘why?’ And of course it’s good to question, just sometimes I wish he’d stop and realise some things JUST ARE. Questioning it won’t change anything. And I really do wonder whether there is anything he actually enjoys about his job. Maybe I’ll have to ask, because day simply felt like a battle.

------

Day 125

People have started to questions. Had a number of informal meetings today about the changes and started to hear some of the thoughts and opinions on what we presented. Some unexpected stuff came up. Some of which don’t seem relevant, but I guess it’s worth considering how we respond. A few have been a bit more interesting, thought-provoking. I’ll take those away for discussion, be interesting to see what others think to those points.

------

Day 126

Inconvenient timing but nothing I could do to change the date. A full day out of the office, at a one day conference. Talk went well and spoke with a good number of people. Must remember to follow up on some of those connections, some potential opportunities that would be good to look into further.

I’m tired though. Day’s like these are exhausting, always hard work. I don’t know how some people seem to thrive doing this sort of thing. I’m always so glad to get home and take off my ‘game face’.

------

Day 127

Back into meeting and another fractious one with Paul, Cathy, Laura, Gary and Stuart. Brought up some of the points I’d got from the informal conversations a couple of days ago and suddenly old wounds re-opened and we were going around in circles arguing about everything all over again. Perhaps naively I thought after the announcement we’d all agreed, we’d be on the same page and moving on. How wrong was I?!??!

------

Day 128

Today was just chaos, more questions, antagonistic points of view from unlikely sources, frustrations from yesterday’s senior management meeting pervading into other areas, and an informal complaint about Mark which I’m going to have to deal with. Again. Argh!!

Saving grace was a late afternoon coffee with Laura, out of the office. Perhaps I shouldn’t have ranted about quite so much, but it felt good to let off some steam.

It’s going to be a long weekend trying to catch up with all the stuff I really should have got done earlier this week.

A good night’s sleep would help.

Past the 100 days mark and so much has happened. And looking back I realise how much I’ve settled in and got to grips with stuff. Still feels like I’m in the deep-end. But at least I feel I have a semblance of control of things that side-swipe me when I least expect. I’ve stopped moaning about the workload. Not sure if that’s the right attitude. It’s never-ending, yet somehow, I’ve managed to keep my head above water. These changes look like they’ll rock the boat a bit, but hopefully not enough to tip over. Guess I’ll have to keep a tight grip as it starts to get choppy!

Are you heading in the right direction?

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 09:29:13 GMT

Leading from the start; what to do

A few months into a new role and you’ve started to get to know people, some things are beginning to feel familiar.

The way meetings work (or perhaps don’t work).

The way people approach you, react to various situations.

The workload.

Other people’s expectations.

This can feel like you’ve made good progress, you’re here in your role making things happen. It can also feel you’re being submerged and fighting to keep on top of everything.

Either way, it’s a good time to take a step back and assess where you are. Are you heading in the direction you wanted to go? What’s going well and worth doing more of? What could you do differently?

1. Time to reflect on how far you’ve come

The excitement, discomfort and unfamiliarity of first starting a new role can dissipate or remain as more and more challenges, issues, opportunities come your way.

Reflecting on your progress enables you to take a different perspective on how much you’re dealt with and your directions of travel.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, note the positive outcomes you’ve created. Find a way to remind yourself of these when you question whether you’re making a difference or not.

And take time to assess what you could have done differently, and how you would have done it differently.

What have you learnt so far?

2. Who’s in your circle of influence?

As you build relationships with the people around you, it’s worth considering who is influencing you and who are you influencing?

Are there people who are important to help you in your role, and how strong is your relationship with them?

Understanding what motivates someone, can help you understand where they are coming from, what’s important to them. It will help you build common ground and consensus on issues that may at first be divisive.

Begin by building up trust with the people around you, getting to know them enough that you develop mutual respect for each other.

3. What’s eating your time?

Meetings with no outcomes?

Meetings someone else could attend instead?

Overload of work that you simply can’t delegate?

Issues that rumble on without getting sorted out?

If you’re finding yourself stretched for time, then wat is it that you really need to be involved in and what can you delegate? If there is something stopping you delegating, take a look here on some tips to do that.

Delegation is built on trust, which may take time. Starting to develop and understanding of the people you work with and your trust in their abilities now, creates the opportunities for you to delegate and empower the people around you.

Hone your skills at giving feedback so it becomes easier and feels more natural to give everyone feedback, whether they are members of your team or your colleagues. It can help you realise and manage some underlying tensions before they become bigger issues.

Be open to feedback, actively seeking it and receiving it positively in return. It’ll help you as you learn on the role. Ask at an appropriate moment, and with specific questions on what you want to know, and accept the comments graciously even though it may be tough to hear.

So do you feel you’re heading in the right direction? And what can you do so you’re focused on the things where you can have the greatest impact, and where you’ve got the support from others to deliver on all your responsibilities?

In deep...

Thu, 17 Oct 2019 10:20:38 GMT

Leading from the start; a story

Day 87

The thought has been sitting in the back of my head and I’ve been ignoring it. Today made me realise that I could and perhaps should have handled this differently at the beginning. I just didn't have time. Now it’s just become too big to ignore.

Somehow I have to find a way to help Mark fully understand that he has to be more mindful of his behaviour, otherwise it’s going to get formal. Someone will make it formal. I'm dreading tomorrow. I can already feel the knot in my stomach. But I have to face this. I have to help Mark face this.

I know I shouldn't let this get to me, it's just been playing on my mind for far too long. I hope I sleep tonight. I need it.

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Day 88

Well. I'm glad the day is over and done with. I'm still feeling sick and my neck and shoulders are so tense I can barely turn my head without a tight gripping pain. The morning's meetings were more fraught than usual. Couldn't seem to agree on anything. I was wishing them to fly by, instead they seemed to drag. Finally I get to my meeting with Mark.

I could feel a headache coming on, but I did my best to ignore it and composed myself. Reminded myself to keep calm no matter what.

But surprisingly I think it went okay, better than I was expecting it to. I guess all that prep worked and I managed to stay calm even when things got tense. Now thinking back, I guess I have a better understanding of where Mark's coming from. Doesn't change anything that we talked about. But really talking it through hopefully means things can change.

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Day 89

I was straight back into it today. Feels like I'm up to my eyeballs in management issues at the moment. This time it was a meeting with Stuart, who has been on my back about Mark. Since their run in a couple of months ago it seems that Stuart has been looking out for anything Mark does which he doesn’t like. Luckily they don’t have much interaction! It's been hard not to get worn down by hearing constant snipes and put downs about Mark, as it really feels like Stuart is having a pop at me. I just wish he’d stop.

Then my meeting with Lucy. Our monthly catch up as usual. Perhaps I wasn't in the right frame of mind after speaking with Stuart. One of the things I had to pick up with her have been the mistakes she has made recently. I know they're not major things, but it's just been so many recently. I guess I could have said it better as she looked upset and got quite defensive about it.

Can't say I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Just so tired at the moment and not sure I'm handling things quite right.

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Day 90

Today I thought we'd finally finalise and commit to our new 3 year strategy. Except disagreement about how we're implementing this, erupted again. I thought we were all in agreement that some roles and responsibilities may change to realign with the critical workstreams. But right now it feels like a turf war. Laura wants a structure to reflect the changes fairly across all the roles. Stuart feels that this will cause too much disruption and believes minimal change would be better and get us working within the new workstreams more quickly. Gary seems so exasperated he's now resorting to picking holes in everyone's argument and not contributing anything positive. And then on the side Paul and Cathy appear to be having some private battle, which I don't fully understand and neither will talk about privately. Me? I just want to get to a decision and make it happen. This endless circling is driving me crazy!

I get it all, apart from the private battle that's simply distracting. And maybe that's one of my difficulties. I can't see a way out of this. I've tried finding all sorts of compromises. All rejected. Everyone more entrenched. Why can't we just make a decision and move on?!?

Rest of the day was a blur.

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Day 91

It's the end of the week. Relief.

I managed to have a private word with Paul and I guess it turned into a rant... frustration about the lack of decision has been eating away at me. He gave me space to vent, and agreed we should find a way to move forward.

I caught Laura a little later and we chatted for a while. I know we both want to stop this endless debate and we talked a lot about Stuart's argument. I get the distinct impression that part of Laura's objection to his plan is that she just doesn't like Stuart.

And then by chance, heading out of the office on the way home, I bumped into Cathy. I find it hard to gauge her at the best of times and several people have told me to be careful what I say to her, as she's good at playing games to her advantage. I guess that’s made me wary of her. But I managed to get some time with her next week to have a proper discussion getting a decision.

I'm not sure how this is going to work out, and feels like I'm playing games now. I don't like it, but somehow we have to move on from this stalemate.

So three months have passed. Who'd have thought that time could both disappear in the blink of an eye and feel so long and exhausting at the same time?

I feel I have a better measure of people now and what it is I'm supposed to be doing. I certainly wasn't expecting to be chin deep in management issues, I knew I'd have enough on my plate developing and implementing our three year plan. And there's still so much I feel I haven't got to grips with. I think I'm hiding that better though.

The workload is utterly ridiculous and I feel permanently exhausted. Something has to change with that, as I don't think I can keep it up. But I guess I'm starting to feel like I'm making a bit of progress. And I did say I wanted a challenge...

Overcoming overwhelm

Mon, 14 Oct 2019 09:54:05 GMT

Leading from the start; what to do

Are you keeping your head above water?

A natural reaction to having too much to do is to keep ploughing on. Trying to keep on top of everything and working longer and longer hours.

Whilst this can help you get through short periods of intense workload, over the longer term it can begin to feel like a never-ending slog, a hamster-wheel that doesn't ever stop turning, a trap of unending work.

Feeling this way can also lead to constantly thinking about work, all the tasks that haven't been done, everything you still need to do, and the risk that you end up burnt out; your own health and wellbeing affected.

1. Taking a break!

Taking breaks away from work can interrupt this cycle. Even brief breaks provide the chance to step back and have moments to think about things differently. Perhaps from a different perspective.

So are you thinking - as if I have the time to do that?!?

It might feel like taking a break is an impossibility. If you are managing to fit in short breaks, making a cup of coffee for instance, a chat with someone, lunch out of the office or workplace, that’s great.

If short breaks feel like a struggle. What about using moments such as walking between meetings, the commute to and from work, just after a meeting has ended – where taking time to focus on something else, takes your mind away from work. Here are some ideas on what you can focus on to take your attention away from work:

- Taking some long slow deep breaths whilst walking between meetings

- Watch the world go by for two minutes

- What’s the weather doing, is it sunny? Windy? Pouring with rain?

- What’s happening around you right at this moment? What can you see and what can you hear?

2. Talk about it

Who is in your support network? Do you have one? Perhaps you don't think of them as your support network. Friends, family, work colleagues. People who you talk to. Perhaps they understand some of what you're dealing with, perhaps they are people who can actively help you with your workload.

Talking things through, saying something aloud can help you unpick what's really important and worth focusing your effort on, what might be really irritating you that you're avoiding because you don't know what to do about it, and things you're doing that aren't the highest priority that you feel you have to do anyway.

When you're feeling overwhelmed one of the hardest questions someone might ask you is "why are you doing that?" and it's easy to become defensive. Try taking time to think through that question. Is there a way you could deal with something differently, so it's no longer just you struggling to get it done?

3. The “D” word

And if you’re snowed under with work and it’s become all consuming, what might you consider delegating? And what has stopping you doing so?

Is the piece of work is too important to you to let anyone else do it?

You don't think others have the right skill set?

The work won't be done in the way you want it to?

Feels like it will take more time asking someone else to do it than doing it yourself?

Don't have people to delegate to?

It's not appropriate to do so?

There may be a range of reasons. Balancing out what you gain and what risks you perceive in delegating tasks, is important to consider. And it may be that in the short-term it creates more work for you, and that you only see the benefit of delegating work several months down the line.

If you choose delegate or simply ask someone to help you with a piece of work:

- Be specific: what is it you want them to do? By when do you want them to complete it? Does the deadline you've given them give you enough contingency to incorporate what you want to do once they've completed the work? What expectations do you have on what they produce?

- Ask them for their opinion: are they willing to do so? is the timeframe realistic? what difficulties might they have? what support might they want from you?

- Negotiate: discuss and decide jointly how to overcome any issues raised, if you're likely to worry about the progress they are making how you both of you will handle this

- Let them get on: once you've agreed on the piece of work, timeframe, support you'll provide the person you've delegated to, let them get on with it. Trust them to deliver.

4. Out of your comfort zone

What are you feeling most uncomfortable about? Too much discomfort can add to the sense of overwhelm and the feeling of an insurmountable mountain of work. Balancing out pieces of work that you know how to do and can get on with, with the more challenging tasks or activities may help realign belief you've achieved something in the day along with tackling something that's difficult. To help achieve this balance:

- What time of day do you have most energy? Noticing the times during the day you're particularly productive can be the best times of day to deal with something difficult. The more energy you have the more likely you'll find motivation to deal with the tasks that are more challenging.

- What's sitting in the back of your mind that you keep trying to push away, and keeps reappearing? Make a note of these thoughts and create space to do something about them. Thoughts and worries that keep recurring will continue to take time and energy. Focusing and choosing to do something actively with those thoughts will help move you forward, rather than getting caught and stuck by them.

5. Be kind to yourself

Easy to say, harder to do perhaps? Getting settled into a new role with new relationships to build, new responsibilities to deliver on, range of tasks and activities that are unfamiliar, it's likely that some things will slip.

Or you'll miss something.

Make a mistake.

Yet you won't be alone in having done this, even though it could feel like it and that you've let yourself and other people down.

To help keep a positive focus:

- Note down what you've achieved each day, particularly the things that you've found particularly challenging. Take time to acknowledge that achievement.

- Admit mistakes and what you've missed. It can help you let go of those mistakes and look at what you've learnt from it. It's a good way of showing others and yourself that mistakes happen and doing things differently from what you've learnt is productive and keeps things moving forward.

Whatever you do and however you do it, take time for yourself to recharge and re-energise. It has positive benefits for you and those around you both at work and in your personal life. Reducing the feeling of overwhelm and being out of your comfort zone can take time, it won't necessarily be a quick fix. Taking each day as it comes and identifying what has been positive during each day can help maintain your focus on what you've achieved and the contributions you've made, important to your sense of purpose and wellbeing.

One month in and keeping my head above water. Just.

Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:01:18 GMT

Leading from the start; a story

Day 26

I don’t know what prompted me to start counting the days like this. Just trying to keep track of everything, I guess.

I got into the office this morning with the aim of using the first hour to get myself prepared for the day ahead. Well, that was swallowed up as Mark pounced as I walked towards my office door. It didn’t take long to realise just how agitated he was and how much he’d been stewing over the weekend. It took a while for him to calm down and for me to find out more about what had happened other than he’d had a run in with Stuart, late Friday afternoon. Somehow, I’d missed the fallout just after it had happened.

Still that was my hours preparation for the days meetings blown. And eventually I had to find a way to wrap it up, so I could get to my first meeting, for which I felt somewhat ill-prepared for. Not the start to the week I was hoping for, and something else to add to the list of things to deal with!

I finally had my first formal meeting with Paul today. I understand he’s busy, and after the welcome he’d given me, I thought I’d have a bit more contact. Just hasn’t quite happened that way. I guess it’s a way to let me get on with it and not interfere. Anyway, we covered quite a bit of ground in our meeting. Not quite sure how he thinks I’m doing, but seems happy enough so far.

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Day 27

I managed to catch up with Stuart first thing this morning, before I started my round of meetings. I really wasn’t prepared as I just happened to bump into him in the corridor, but as he’s hard to pin down and I’m struggling to find time for anything else, this seemed to be the right opportunity. I broached what Mark had told me with Stuart. Oh, I guess I should have seen it coming, Stuart was dismissive and essentially told me he thought Mark was out of order. After several minutes of telling me what I should do, he excused himself for another meeting. Hmm, great – how is this going to get sorted?

The rest of the day was seemed to be filled with meetings on I don’t even remember what… though the one on office space took me by surprise. Does this really have to involve me? Really?

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Day 28

I managed to have a couple of one-to-one meetings with individual members of my team. Finally got them in my calendar so I’ll be meeting them once a month. Although I’ve had informal chats, I’ve not yet managed to have formal meetings until now. Interesting to get a better understanding of them and Lucy seems ambitious. I’ll have to see what this means and what I can do to support her. Mark still seemed raw from his confrontation with Stuart. I’m not yet sure how to resolve this. Mark does seem to bit abrasive and I can see how that annoyed Stuart, and Stuart is strongly opinionated from what I’ve seen. And whilst Stuart is Mark’s superior, Mark has a valid point. Why am I involved? In the end I told Mark that I was having an ongoing conversation with Stuart to buy myself a little more time.

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Day 29

Argh! Paul was landed with a stupidly short deadline and in his wisdom decided to delegate. So now I also have a stupidly short deadline for a detailed report on a swathe of activities that right now I’m aware of, but can’t honestly say I know in much detail. I know I should know this stuff. But I’ve just not had time to get into everything. And suddenly now I have to.

I’ve managed to get some meetings rescheduled, but still it’s going to be some long nights and a very long weekend. Not sure how I’m going to get this done, or even how good it’s going to be. It’s either going to be a sharp learning curve or possibly crash and burn when Paul realises just how little I know…

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Day 30

Finally, I’ve got to the end of the week. Still got a crazy amount of work to do, but at least I won’t have meetings to interrupt me. I got some dismayed looks at home when I mentioned I’d have to work this weekend. I know they understand, but it’s hard trying to stop work from taking over, yet this report is critical and I really don’t have much choice.

I did however keep my one-to-one meetings with the other two members of my team. Amanda seems on top of what she’s doing, which is great. Joe, as I’ve noticed before, came with lots of points he wanted to discuss. Things he’s not happy with. Not yet sure if he’s expecting me to sort all these out for him or just whether it’s his way of letting off steam. I guess I’ll find that out soon enough.

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Day 32

Sunday evening and I’m exhausted. I’ve been starting at the report for a while and realised I’m no longer taking it in or adding anything of any value. Somehow it’ll have to do, but I am dreading to find out what Paul thinks of it.

I need sleep, but I’ve got a manic week ahead and there are things I’m behind with including a mountain of email.

And I’ve still got this thing between Mark and Stuart in the back of my mind. Ugh.

Right, time for bed.

Focusing your first five days

Tue, 17 Sep 2019 09:51:23 GMT

Leading from the start; what to do

Depending on how you deal with new situations and change, you may feel naturally excited and nervous, and the desire to make a good initial impression. That may cause you to feel more anxious than usual, conscious of what you say, what you do and how others might perceive you.

It’s also possible that you’ll move swiftly from your existing role into your new role without a pause. Whilst leaving an organisation will create a natural break between your roles, moving roles within the same organisation can make it more complex and difficult to define your move into your new role.

Below are five areas to focus on to make the most of your first five days in your new role.

1. Accept you will be judged

We all do it, particularly with a new situation or person, we instinctively make a judgement - Do I like this person? Do I trust them?

And as you appraise the people you meet, they will appraise you.

So what happens when you get stressed or anxious in a new situation?

How do you tend to react to other people?

Whatever your natural reaction in these situations, politeness and friendliness go a long way irrespective of how people may react to you. And it might be that whilst some people are friendly in return, others may not be immediately welcoming.

It will take time to build relationships and get to know people, so you may feel uncomfortable and perhaps isolated in the first few days and weeks. Preparing to for this can be a helpful reminder that feeling this way is normal, and the people around you may also be feeling uncomfortable too.

2. Taking in the whole picture

As you settle in you may find there will be a number of people keen to meet you, and share their thoughts and opinions with you. This may cover a range of things - other people, what they see as being wrong that needs fixing, what they think you should be doing.

There are also likely to people that have similarly strong points of view that don’t share their thoughts with you, perhaps not feeling it’s appropriate to do so or perhaps waiting to see what you do.

As you start in your role, people will try influence you to their way of thinking.

Take time to listen to multiple viewpoints, actively seek out thoughts and opinions from people, including those who don’t seek to speak with you. Gather information without proffering an opinion, to more clearly see the whole picture.

Consider doing this even if you’ve already outlined a vision of the future as part of the interview process and which contributed to you being offered the role in the first place.

3. Prepare for overwhelming amounts of information

It’s likely you’ll be bombarded with information over the first few days. Simply too much to take in. Remembering people’s names can be a challenge in itself! Decide beforehand on how you might deal with this.

- Are there specific aspects of your role or the organisation that are a clear priority for you to understand and get to grips with?

- Are you going to take a ‘fact-finding-mission’ approach?

- Would talking to as many people as possible give you a steer on which areas to focus your efforts on initially?

- Who are the people you believe you should build relationships with first?

- Who might be in your support network of people as you get to grips with your role?

4. Time to ask those stupid questions

This is a great time to ask lots of questions, particularly ones which you feel like ‘stupid’ questions. This could feel daunting, particularly if you are remaining in the same organisation where you feel expected to know all the answers already. However, people naturally make assumptions on what other people know, usually believing the other person knows more than they actually do. Stepping into a new role is a good time to challenge those assumptions.

5. Beginning to redefine who you are

You have a new job title, you’ve started your new role. But who are you?

It can take time to settle into your new role and if you’re remaining in the same organisation, perhaps in a phased transition, leaving behind your previous role and responsibilities may not be clean cut.

Be clear in your own mind what new responsibilities you’ve taken on and those which you have left behind. It maybe that this tests some important working relationships you have with people, where doing something for them means you’re not letting them down. But is this now someone else’s responsibility to deal with?

This may be the time to have a difficult conversation with that person that resets expectations on what your role and responsibilities are and what that means working together in the future.

If you’re starting a new role, then I hope all goes well in the coming weeks.

Enjoy, and good luck!

Day one,week one; a new beginning

Tue, 03 Sep 2019 09:16:31 GMT

Leading from the start; a story

Day one

I’m awake.

I know it’s not yet time to get up.

But I’m awake.

I’ve had a restless night.

Not that unusual, but today is one of those day I really want to go well.

I’m itching for the day to start.

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Sitting on the train, the breakfast I compelled myself to eat sits like a heavy lump in my stomach.

I shouldn’t be this nervous.

It’s not a new organisation I’m suddenly pitching up at. I know this place well. Yet the role I’m about to start has me both excited and a little anxious.

A fantastic opportunity.

I’ve worked hard for it.

My palms tingle with sweat, as I make my way into my new office.

A deep breath.

I fix my smile.

Good morning everyone…

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I’ve said hello to those people around me. Some are familiar faces, others not.

There are looks of expectation. And judgement.

But then I’m doing the same. Trying to gauge each person, within the few minutes we spend introducing ourselves.

I make my way into my new office.

Leaving my door open. My way of keeping a connection with people even though the temptation to enclose myself in peace and quiet, is strong.

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It’s mid-morning and I’m carefully sipping my tea.

The sigh comes involuntarily.

It’s almost been an anti-climax.

I expected to be deluged by requests, new information to get my head around, urgent decisions to make.

But so far I’ve given my desk a through clean, found places to store my stuff, and sorted through and fended off email that I can now pass on or try to avoid getting into.

I realise that it’s not going to be simple to step away from my previous role. People know who I am, know I’m still here and can still chase me.

It’s going to take me some time and effort before people recognise me in my new role.

Somehow the morning feels almost wasted time.

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Musing over lunch that my day has been quieter than expected, meeting requests begin to trickle into my inbox.

By mid-afternoon it’s turned into a steady flow and my next 12-18 months fills out with meetings. Rapidly.

Somehow this feels satisfying. Perhaps it’s because this feels like recognition that I’m here, that I’ve started?

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I’m on my way home and the nervousness has dissipated.

I’ve introduced myself to the people I’ll be closely working with, requested meetings with key people I want to meet, read through an array of documentation and started to formulate some plans in my mind.

There are still all the things that I need to tie up or extricate myself from. But somehow, I’ll have to make it clear it’s not mine to deal with anymore.

My calendar is full with meetings.

I’m going to be busy.

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It’s the end of the first week.

As I lock my office door, the knot in my shoulder twinges, and a stab of pain runs down my arm.

I briefly close my eyes.

Time to go home.

The first day was almost honeymoon-like.

After that the deluge hit.

Word must have got out that I had started.

My calendar is not just full, it is bursting.

Meetings are back-to-back and overlapping.

I’ve had a multitude of conversations, formal, informal, set-up, impromptu.

Competing requests.

Overload of information.

No space to breath.

Let alone eat.

As for getting on with doing something productive…

I console myself that at least this way I’m finding out what’s going on around me pretty quickly.

Right now, I need a little bit of rest.

Do you have a belief that's holding you back?

Tue, 09 Jul 2019 10:16:58 GMT

Fear and Confidence

I have a belief.

That if I work hard, I will achieve.

It’s a belief built in childhood that I am still driven by today.

But what is ‘working hard’?

What does it mean?

What does it look like?

And what’s ‘achievement’?

Yet they are words that come to me, that at times, I repeat to myself over and over again.

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I’m overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to get through, exhausted, desperately wanting a break but consumed by the feeling that I can’t simply walk away.

“work hard, and you’ll get there, you’ll get it done, just work hard”

I’m stressed, can’t sleep, can’t relax, too much too think of, fear gripping me tight, of certain things coming up which I’m dreading.

“work hard, get control, get control and you’ll do it, you’ve just got to work hard”

I’m here again, feeling this way. It’s got to change.

“work smart, think about how you can do it differently, how do you avoid getting up feeling this way again… in the meantime keep going, work hard to keep your chin above water until you can work out how to do it differently.”

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In some ways it’s a belief that I feel has served me well. I keep going, motivated to persevere. I have dealt with large workloads and have been recognised for being organised, efficient, capable, dedicated. But at times that’s been at a personal cost.

Yet changing this isn’t easy.

I cling to the benefits that I perceive in my ability to keep working hard. It out-weighs the toll it takes.

And this belief stems from my fear of failure.

I don’t want to fail.

I can’t fail.

It would be traumatic, catastrophic.

And perhaps it wouldn’t.

Perhaps it’ll feel deeply uncomfortable.

Perhaps I’ll be embarrassed, ashamed of myself, feel guilty for letting others down.

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I’m not setting out to change my belief. What I’m going to do is work on refining it. Shaping it in a way that helps me. Perhaps rub away some of the parts of that belief that can have a detrimental impact on me.

So I’m starting with recognising the signs. When those words are going round in my mind.

That’s the time I’ll ask myself…

What am I afraid of?

What does failure really look like?

Those feelings will still be there. I know I’m not simply going to push them away, but asking myself what I’m really fearful of, will help me stop myself getting caught up and lost in the feeling.

And that gives me a starting point to think and do something differently.

Conscious of what you fear?

Tue, 02 Jul 2019 10:41:43 GMT

Fear and Confidence

Fear

Sometimes it’s obvious.

The sudden jolt in heart beat

Thumping loudly and rapidly

Ears full of the sound

Whole body tense

Neck stiff, prickling with expectation

Or palms moist with perspiration

A tremble in hands

Legs unsteady, quivering

The dead weight clenched around the stomach

Crushing it

Throat dries up

Thoughts racing

Yet mind goes blank

Words do not form

All focus is inwards

Trying to hide it

Everything else is a blur

What other people are saying is no longer permeating through

Sometimes it’s unconscious.

Hidden beneath an avalanche of work

Subsumed by endless emails, meetings, problems to sort out

It’s the things that get dismissed

Put to one side

Deemed not a priority

Labelled that way, because there’s something uncomfortable about doing it

The tension in the shoulders

Down the spine

Only apparent late at night, when trying to sleep

A pulsing throb around the temples

Jaw clenched, teeth jammed tight together

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Overwhelmed with work can conceal all sorts of things. The stress of dealing with the sheer volume often means little time to stop and think about anything.

I’ve found that it also means certain things that matter, I put to one side.

I find myself thinking, I’ll deal with that later when I have more time to think about it.

Yet that time doesn’t come.

Not properly.

Instead it interrupts my sleep. When thoughts aren’t rational but distorted and inflated by my underlying concerns and fear about what it might entail for me.

And the less sleep I have, the less energy, focus and capacity I have for working it through during my working hours.

Often when I procrastinate about something, it’s fear that underlies it.

Fear I could look stupid

Fear I could get it wrong

Fear I don’t know what to do

Fear I could upset someone and not be able to deal with the consequences

Fear I could be rejected

Recognising the signs helps me to do something about it.

Even with the obvious signs of fear, it takes time and space to think about it and decide on what to do.

But when it’s unconscious, then I have to pay close attention to what I’m doing. Often it’s my subtle avoidance tactics, the "I’ll get around to that later, as this other thing is more important right now", that is usually a sign.

Or when I’m replying conversations in my mind over and over again, unable to let particular details go.

That’s when I know, making time, creating space to focus on what’s really going on for me is vital.

If I don’t, I waste valuable head space and energy, going around and around, building it into something bigger, adding to my ever-increasing workload.

And when I do make the time, hard as it is face what the fear really is, there’s also a little bit of relief too. Sometimes that’s difficult for me to identify and feel, but I know it’s there.

And that’s what I try to hang on to and remember. That it will be worth taking the time and facing it.

Putting yourself first

Tue, 25 Jun 2019 11:00:04 GMT

Change and uncertainty

Leading change can be a challenge.

And even more so in uncertain times.

External forces can create numerous pressures that push and pull in opposing directions and changes within the organisation can lead to foundations that once felt stable and solid, becoming loose and fluid.

People become unsettled. Start talking. Preoccupied in the what if and what might happen, less focused on the here and now.

Process and procedure change. Confusion.

People leave.

Inexperience, unfamiliarity in roles can create anxiety.

The feeling of uncertainty pervades the whole organisation.

Leading people through such times may be stressful and/or rewarding.

And whilst it may feel getting through the period of change or time of uncertainty is overwhelming or insurmountable, putting yourself first will enable you to better support the people around you and those you lead.

I’ve highlighted some key areas to consider and focus on

1. Emotional awareness – of how you are feeling at any given moment, and how others might be feeling. Through understanding how you are reacting to everything going on around you and being able to recognise how others are coping, your awareness can help guide you in supporting others through the period of change and uncertainty

2. Wellbeing – looking after yourself and having ways to release and let go of the pressure and stress of each day will help you cope with what you are dealing with, and supporting others.

3. Resilience – a part of which relies on your wellbeing, and also on your ability to learn from perceived setbacks and failures, to continue to move forward positively.

4. Being present – in the moment. With so much going on, it can be easy to lose sight of what’s happening in the here and now, what people are saying and how they are behaving. Uncertainty can lead to a focus on the never-ending what if scenarios, and whilst emphasis towards the future is vital, attention to the in-the-moment-present is also essential.

So if you’re currently leading your group, team, dept, organisation through a period of change or uncertainty, how are you doing in the 4 areas I’ve highlighted above?

What could you do more of?

What could you do differently?

What will help you put yourself first, so that you can more effectively lead others?

Do you believe in the change you're leading?

Mon, 10 Jun 2019 12:35:13 GMT

Change and uncertainty

I don’t like it, but I get it.

I understand the rational argument, but it sits uncomfortably.

So I’m shifting around restless.

Fidgeting.

Wondering how I should break the news to my team.

It’s not going to go down well, yet it’s going to happen anyway.

And I know that I’m expected to get them onboard with it.

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Doubt, disbelief, anger, frustration, cynicism.

I just listened.

Was that the right thing to do?

At first I tried to explain, but that added more fuel to the fire.

So I stopped.

And gave them space.

Next meeting would have to have a different focus.

But this time, I was feeling the same.

I wanted to express my exasperation. But held it back.

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There’s still some anger. I can tell it’s going to take a while for that to dissipate.

Some resignation too.

Part of me is itching to move on and focus on dealing with the implications and the future and part of me still feels resentment that this is happening and I’m having to deal with it.

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Lead and deal

Deal and lead

In trying to do the right thing, I start to recognise that I'm getting caught in a circle. Trying to deal with what’s happening for myself and trying to lead others through the same.

It’s like I’m desperately trying to stay one step ahead and pull them with me.

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Time offers the power of hindsight.

I can see the effects the changes have had. I didn’t agree with them all and struggled to see some of the benefits. But there have been positive changes, along with some unexpected effects.

It took a toll though. On me. I wasn’t ready. Not for dealing with it myself or for leading others.

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The doubt and disbelief have hit me, along with the words.

This time cynicism kicks in quick.

I can’t see how this is going to work and why we’re even bothering.

I bring up all sorts of counter arguments in my mind.

Questions and debate. I want to be clear on this.

Clear on what this is meant to achieve and what this means for people.

It begins to shape up into something I feel able to get my head around.

Now as I communicate what’s going to change, I have more belief in it, I’m more clear about the impact it’ll have on people, I have a better idea on how to help and engage with them through this.

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It didn’t go smoothly. But that was okay. Everyone dealt with the changes differently, needed different support.

We didn’t end up where we first thought we’d be, but we did achieve what we were aiming to do.

But more than anything I realised just how important it was for me to have dealt with and bought into the proposed changes first. It meant I could then focus on leading and supporting other people through, rather than pull them through something I hadn’t even fully bought into myself.

I had a plan, and now...

sian.taylor@post.com (Sian Taylor) — Tue, 04 Jun 2019 08:46:02 GMT

Change and uncertainty

WHAT?!???!!

I feel a spasm in my jaw.

I’m grinding my teeth.

Disbelief.

Then anger.

My nails dig into my palms.

I’m no longer hearing what’s being said.

Though I’m trying.

But other words are flying around my head.

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We’re trying to hit a moving target – each time we hit a milestone, things have changed. The target has moved and we have to do more.

The pressure is ramping up fast to find ways to beat the target.

I just don’t know how we’ll do this.

Yes, we can rationalise and make predictions.

Yes, we can use gut instinct to help find a way through.

Yes, we can seek a broad range of differing opinions and look for consensus.

But what is happening is still not within my control.

Somehow, I stumble onwards.

With some ‘success’.

Still punctuated by moments of anger and disbelief.

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Was it really control that I lacked?

Would having control have made a different?

I might have felt better about it, but when I think back, I still wouldn’t have predicted what did in the end happen.

Part of what I had to deal with was inherent uncertainty.

Finding ways to cope with unexpected change.

And getting comfortable with that.

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I have a plan. As I’ve always done.

This time I pushed other things aside to carefully think about it.

I sought opinions.

Refined it.

And I’ll keep refining it.

Changing it.

Keeping it alive.

I’ve been more thorough about the ‘what if…’ scenarios.

The risks and what to do to mitigate them.

I’m feeling more prepared. More confident.

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WHAT?!???!!

I feel a spasm in my jaw.

I’m grinding my teeth again.

Disbelief.

Then anger.

Despair kicks in.

I sit looking blankly.

Then it’s there in my mind. The question.

“What could you have done differently?”

I go over it again and again.

It’s a question I can’t answer nor let go of.

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It’s a weight sitting in my stomach.

I’ve gone over my plans.

I’ve talked it over with everyone I can think of. Pulling it apart. Putting it back together.

But the weight in my stomach is still there.

It must be showing.

Someone comments.

It catches me by surprise, but I talk about how I’m feeling and why.

“Sounds like you really thought about it”

So why do I feel like this…

“You can’t plan for everything….”

Then I realise.

It’s not about the plan.

It’s about me.

It’s about how I cope with uncertainty.

And my propensity to constantly mull over and worry about all the detail doesn’t help.

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It’s taken me time to refocus my thoughts.

I’ve had to learn to better discern and focus on what actions I can take. What is really in my control and let go of what is not.

I’ve had to build on a collaborative approach and believe in it, and stop continually questioning decisions made.

I’ve had to focus on the positive outcomes and appreciate them, and find different ways to approach problems than sitting and stewing on them.

And I’ve had to look after myself. Knowing that thinking time and space is important to me, and creating it. Realising that my thinking time is most fruitful when I’m in a calm, enthused, inspired frame of mind. Sometimes it’s hard to step back and place the pressures and busy-ness to one side, and I’ve found when I’m most likely to be in the right frame of mind and now protect that time carefully.

I still plan.

I still work collaboratively.

I still think carefully and thoroughly over the “what ifs…”

But now I also keep an eye on myself too, that managing change and uncertainty is also about managing myself.

Stop! Before you end up ill again...

Tue, 28 May 2019 09:13:26 GMT

Putting myself first

I can feel my bottom eye-lid involuntarily twitching.

I can’t stop it.

My limbs feel heavy.

My breathing is shallow.

Focusing my attention is an effort.

I’ve used all my usual tricks to keep myself going and get on with the tasks I have on my to do list.

It’s not working.

And this is the start of the week…

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I’d like time to slow down.

Just so I can catch up with myself.

But that might no longer be enough.

Time out, away, just to stop thinking about everything.

Yet the idea of taking time out makes me desperately cling more tightly to wanting more control, not letting people down, fretting about what will fall apart and what people will think of me for letting that happen.

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Sometimes it’s like my body takes control.

Run down.

Exhausted.

Illness takes over and forces the issue.

It might be a migraine, it might be a cold that floors me because I’m more vulnerable than usual.

Bed-ridden, in pain or discomfort.

My mind final let’s go and accepts I can’t do it all.

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The dull ache of my eyes. The involuntary twitching of my eyelid.

It’s time to do something.

It’s time to stop.

I have to ignore the nagging thoughts. Listing all the things I have to get done.

Do I really have to get all those things done?

They won’t happen if I end up bed-ridden again.

And I could do without the pain and discomfort.

I wrangle some time.

It’s a while off.

But it’s there.

Something to aim for.

I think I can keep going until then.

I’ll have to reprioritise.

But there’s a little bit of relief starting to emerge.

And slowly I’m realising that sometimes it’s about putting myself first.